


The Trickster & The Troubled

by lizzybennettdarcy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Eventual Smut, Gabriel Lives, Gabriel Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Rimming, Soul Bond, gabriel/dean bros, interdimensional time travelling, what if things were different?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 08:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6649135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzybennettdarcy/pseuds/lizzybennettdarcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean finds himself wondering how life got so screwed up. Surely at some point fate, destiny or God himself has got to give them a damn break. He wishes he could go back and do things differently. Because he's just so tired, so troubled. When a certain Archangel hears his frustrated accidental prayer, he'll get what he wished for and more. After all, things couldn't possibly be worse, right? Right?!<br/>Set sometime mid-Season 8. But spoilers up until end of Season 11.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The roar of the engine could be heard even above the Kansas song blaring through the Impala’s speakers. The sound was a comforting one and sometimes Dean wondered just what he would do without its consistency. The Impala had been his constant companion, even more consistent than Sam, throughout Dean’s 32 long years.

His fingers tapped against the steering wheel as he sped along a darkened highway in backwoods Virginia. He spared a glance over at the passenger seat before sneaking a peak at the back seat. It was a strange feeling to be on the road by himself. His lips opened and Cas’ name was on his tongue but then he thought better of it and swallowed the prayer. Things were strange and he needed time alone. That was why he was there in Nowhere, USA. He didn’t know Sam anymore. And Kevin had become trapped in a life that Dean wouldn’t wish on anyone. Benny was in the wind. And Cas, well Cas was complicated.

“Son of a bitch.” He muttered, turning the volume knob in an attempt to drown out his thoughts.

The music played on and yet did little to comfort him. Figuring his shit out was the reason he’d taken a solo hunt in the first place. He hadn’t been able to stand being alone with Sam in Rufus’ cabin for another damn minute. They’d fought and made up and agreed. But nothing had gotten better. Sam’s heart was still in Texas with Amelia. His brother’s mind still desperately sought a way out of this life.

And okay, yeah, Dean didn’t feel quite like himself around his little brother anymore. He had hoped the sting of Sam moving on would ease over time, but it hadn’t. He had gone missing. Both he and Cas had disappeared and Sam hadn’t even looked for them. For all he knew, they were being tortured by Leviathan. But he just packed up and forgot about them.

And that hurt in ways Dean wasn’t sure how to process.

Dean should have talked it out earlier with Sam. He should have nutted up and told Sam just how upset he was. But he’d just returned from Purgatory and he was barely able to face the fact that he’d done so without Cas. The last thing he was going to do was push away the only people he had left. He’d clung to his brother and Benny with everything in him.

Guilt swelled in his gut as he thought of Benny. He owed his life to the vampire. Benny had done more and trusted him more completely than Dean deserved and had been more of a brother to Dean in one year than Sam had been in his whole life. And maybe that wasn’t fair. Dean and Sam were co-dependent and unhealthy and Dean _knew_ all of that. Sam was selfish but Dean had raised him to be that way. He’d shielded him from everything he could through the years; from their father’s less than parental traits and violent impulses to starving himself in order to make sure that Sammy always had a full belly. Dean had raised him to be able to defend himself but ultimately to look out for number one. When it came to Sam and the unbelievable power imbalance and level of care, Dean was to blame. Dean would have torn the world apart looking for Sam, looking for Cas. And Sam had simply packed up the Impala and found himself a girl and a dog to play normal with.

Benny would have looked for him.

And Cas, well Cas would have searched until the end of time. Hell, even crazy, naked and covered in bees, Cas wouldn’t have allowed for Dean to ever be alone in a situation where he might disappear or die. That was why he’d ended up with Dean in Purgatory in the first place. He’d willingly gone with them, even though he was sure he would die for it. He was unwilling to allow them, to allow Dean, to die alone.

_“I think too much heart was always Castiel's problem.”_

Samandriel had a point. But he’d sort of hit Dean’s problem on the head at the same time. Dean had too much heart too, didn’t he? He was the eternal caregiver and when he loved, he loved completely. He spent a whole year tearing Purgatory apart looking for Castiel. He had sold his soul for Sam and he knew he’d do it again. Even after everything he’d suffered in and after hell, he’d do it all again. Wouldn’t he?

Dean pulled into the parking lot of a motel on the edge of town. The neon signs blinked at him as he left the car and made his way into the office. He stared blankly at the non-descript employee manning the non-descript counter of yet another non-descript motel. It all bled together really. He wasn’t even totally sure which state he was in anymore. He grunted his thanks at the man and turned on his heel with the key in hand.

His phone beeped in his pocket as he threw his bag on the bed of his room for the night. He tossed it on the bedside table without looking at it and sat down on the edge of the bed. He thought about getting drunk for a moment before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort. Yanking off his boots, he fell back onto the mattress. Staring up at the ugly brown ceiling without really seeing it, his weary mind circled the drain.

He was alone. That had been his choice. But sometimes, sometimes he felt like things were supposed to be different. Like he had made a wrong turn somewhere and everything had gotten screwed up.

“I wish it was all different. I wish this wasn’t-” He rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Now I’m talking to myself. Just perfect.”

His eyes closed and his last waking thought was that he wished his life had turned out differently.

* * *

 

Consciousness came slowly, slower than usual. Dean was a light sleeper by necessity and motel beds were certainly not the most comfortable. But he found himself slowly emerging from a dreamless sleep, taking several long moments before he stretched his muscles and opened his eyes. His vision adjusted to the morning light filtering in through his drab curtains and he realized that he wasn’t alone. His instincts overtook him as he jumped up from the bed, reaching under his pillow for-

“Looking for this?” The man waved Ruby’s knife in the air tauntingly. “You were a bit busy with your pity party last night. Forgot to properly protect yourself.” He clicked his tongue in mocking disapproval.

Dean stared at the familiar face through narrowed eyes, assessing the situation. “Shapeshifter?”

Finally the tension broke as the man chuckled and dropped Dean’s knife back in his bag. “Good guess, but nope. Just little old me.”

Dean continued staring at the man, running over the probability of it all.

“Come on, Dean-o! I know we weren’t the _best_ of friends back in the day, but you could at least _pretend_ that you’re happy I’m not dead.” He paused and furrowed is brow. “Not even like a smile? Harsh.”

Dean rolled his eyes and decided that he believed him. Only Gabriel had ever annoyed him so easily. “You’re not dead then.”

Gabriel spread his arms wide and grinned toothily. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell ya!” He snapped his fingers and chuckled happily as candy fell from the ceiling.

“Well you’ve got the entrance down pat, I guess.” Dean replied grudgingly. He looked around at the candy littering his motel room before looking back at the Archangel. “I prefer pie though.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes, unrolling a tootsie roll. “You want _pie_ to rain down from the ceiling? That just sounds _sticky_.”

Dean supposed he had a point. Which probably meant that hell was currently freezing over. Which brought him back to the obvious. “Why are you here, Gabriel?”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched as Gabriel’s grin faded into a frown. “I heard your wish.”

Dean choked on his own tongue. “You _what_?”

Gabriel sat down amidst his sea of sugar and chose another treat. “You think too loud.”

Dean felt his hands balled into fists in his lap. “Do you regularly listen in on my thoughts? Ever heard of privacy? Huh? Get the hell out of my head!”

Gabriel rolled his eyes so hard that he fell over backwards and laid there staring up at the ceiling. “Boy, could you lower the dramatics? Jeez you sound like a character on one of those shitty soaps you like to watch.”

Dean could feel his already-stretched patience about to snap. He remained silent, waiting for the pain in the ass Trickster to get on with it.

“I keep tabs on certain situations. You fall into pretty much all of those categories. So I’m tuned in to your prayers and-“

“I didn’t pray!” Dean argued. “I made a wish. A loopy, half-conscious wish. And you showed up, like some kind of hopped up, pain in the ass genie.”

Gabriel ignored his rant and began moving his legs and arms to make a candy angel. The sheer ridiculousness of an _Archangel_ behaving so childishly and making a goddamn candy _angel_ had Dean torn between laughing, joining him, and reaching for his angel blade.

“I heard your _prayer_ and I came to investigate. And then when I realized that nobody had died recently, I did some poking around inside your noggin.”

Dean was leaning more towards grabbing the angel blade. “Why. Are. You. Here?” Dean growled out in a clipped tone.

Gabriel sighed and finally sat up. His expression was serious and he stared deeply into Dean’s eyes. It felt more intrusive than the staring contests between Dean and Castiel. The ones that despite Sam’s bitching had become such a natural, _instinctive_ part of their relationship. “Look, Kiddo. I’m not denying the fact that you’ve had a shit deal. Destiny has made you its bitch too many times. It’s not fair. I know that. But it could be worse.”

A harsh laugh passed Dean’s lips as he stared the Archangel down. “Is that a joke? Do you think that’s fucking funny, Birdbrain?”

Gabriel ignored the insult and watched as Dean’s body shook with a horrible mixture of twisted amusement and suppressed pain and rage.

“If you could change it all, would you?” Gabriel wondered when the other man had quieted.

“Yes.” Dean answered without hesitation.

“I haven’t even told you the terms, Dean.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Dean retorted. “Anything would be better than this.”

Dean waited as the man before him seemed to think over his words.

“What would you change?”

“All of it. Purgatory, the Leviathan, the Apocalypse, Hell, Yellow Eyes. All of it.” Dean replied decidedly.

Dean watched as Gabriel stood up and began pacing. There were two distinct crunching noises before he thoughtlessly waved his hand and all of the candy disappeared. He glanced over at Dean every few moments, who had been watching him quietly from his perch on the bed. Dean could just make out that he was muttering an argument under his breath but didn’t ask him about it. This continued for several minutes before Gabriel finally turned and faced the hunter.

“All of it?” He clarified.

Dean nodded.

“Fine.” Gabriel smirked grimly and rubbed his hands together. “You want to see if life is greener on the other side. You’re so desperate for something different that you’d willingly give up what you have. It just so happens that as an Archangel I have enough juice to show you.”

“What?” Dean stood up and backed away from the creepy smile Gabriel was giving him.

“Parallel universes, blah blah blah.” Gabriel replied vaguely. “The point is, that every which way you’ve wished you’d done things differently, I can show you the result of. Parallel universes, Dean-o!”

Dean took another step back with his hands raised in front of him. He didn’t like the way that Gabriel was rubbing his hands together. It was all a little too Trickster for his liking. And he certainly hadn’t forgotten Zachariah’s lesson. Or Gabriel’s for that matter. No, the look in Gabriel’s eyes only spelled chaos for the eldest Winchester.

“This is going to be so much fun.” Gabriel promised, snapping his fingers.

The candy wrappers that had been held tightly in his fist fell quietly to the floor of the now empty room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's always wondered if he'd just done things a little differently, would they have been happier in the end. So begins another one of the Trickster's life lessons. But Dean doesn't give up so easy.

Dean opened his eyes as his feet hit the faded carpet with a jolt. He slowly unclenched his fists and glanced around. He knew immediately where he was. He’d remember everything about this moment for the rest of his miserable existence. The lighting, the temperature and the _smell_ of his little brother’s corpse just three feet to his left. His chest tightened painfully as his eyes finally landed on a younger, deader Sam Winchester. He didn’t want to be here. He knew that Gabriel was a dick, he’d known that from the very beginning but this was just _cruel._

“Gabriel, get your Trickster ass down here, or so help me God, I’ll-“ Dean was interrupted by an annoyingly familiar taunting voice.

“You’ll _what_ , Dean-o?” His tormentor asked with a smirk.

Dean snarled and stepped into his space, ignoring the power that radiated off of the man’s smaller frame. “I’ll pluck your feathers out one by one and shove,” he poked the Archangel in the chest, “Them. Up. Your. Ass!”

Gabriel’s face broke into genuine amusement and he wiggled his eyebrows. “Kinky.”

Dean swore under his breath before stepping away from the creepy little Archangel. “Why am I here?”

Gabriel’s smile faded as he walked over to Sam’s body and ran a hand softly over Sam’s brown hair. Dean watched the movement with confusion while he waited for Gabriel’s answer.

“He’s had a shit life too, huh?” Gabriel murmured quietly before finally turning his attention back to the older Winchester. “You said you’d take it all back if you could. So this felt like a good starting point. Everything stemmed from this, right? You panicked and made a demon deal, followed in your daddy’s footsteps. You went to hell and you and Sam have never been the same since. So here you are. Do it differently.” The Archangel took one last look at the lifeless man by his side before snapping his fingers and disappearing.

Dean wasted no time calling Bobby back. They set Sam’s body up in an abandoned meat locker with the cooler just cold enough to preserve his body. Dean did his best to explain the situation to Bobby but the older hunter just looked at him like he’s lost his damn mind.

Which he probably had.

They hit the books with more energy than Dean had ever given anything, looking desperately for another way to save his little brother. He _couldn’t_ go to hell again, he just couldn’t. And he knew how things would end up if he did anyway. It just wasn’t an option. So they researched and networked with fellow hunters until neither one of them were able to keep their eyes open anymore. They’d catch a few hours of sleep and start all over again. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat.

It was seven days after Gabriel left, eight days since Sam died that Bobby finally sat back and stared at his adopted son. Dean could feel his gaze on him and felt the tears start to build even as he did his best to ignore him. Quickly though he found that he couldn’t see the pages through his blurred vision. His shoulders began to shake beneath the weight of reality and the effort it took to hold the tears at bay. All of his effort was for naught when Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder and through the connection Dean could feel the man trembling. They broke in that moment, their family reduced once again.

Sometime later Dean found himself out in the junkyard yelling at the heavens. They hadn’t encountered angels at this stage of their lives but they existed, Dean knew they did. So he begged and pleaded and knelt in the dust as he waited for someone to save his little brother. Bobby found him there hours later.

They gave Sam the proper hunter send-off. Bobby stood quietly with his shoulders firm and his chin set as he stoically handled another heartbreak in a way that only Bobby could. Tears ran freely down Dean’s face as he watched the flames lick at his little brother. The brother that he had been sent back to save. He’d been sent back to fix things, to change things.

He had failed.

He expected Gabriel to show up after that. To rub it in his face and then take him home. But he didn’t. The Archangel didn’t respond to his prayers and Dean began to fear that he was stuck in this horrible new reality he’d all but begged for. Time went on and he went back to what Winchesters did best; saving people, hunting things. Occasionally Bobby joined him on hunts but Dean preferred to be alone. He burned through cases with alarming speed as the now defunct countdown to his descent to hell ticked loudly in his mind. He followed the trail that he and his brother had followed previously, only this time he did it alone.

He had just put down those two smiley Pagan bastards when Gabriel finally caught up with him. The one upside of the situation was that he knew what he was fighting and how to kill them. He’d taken out Mr. and Mrs. Claus with a sadistic joy before they’d even begun their ritualistic murders. He was “celebrating” in a bar when he heard a fluttering of wings beside him. His head swivelled in the direction of the angel and his heart clenched when he looked upon Gabriel instead of Cas.

He missed his Angel. He’d found himself praying to his friend more and more frequently with no answer. Castiel didn’t know him, not yet. He wasn’t Dean’s Cas anyways. He doubted he’d come if he was allowed, which Dean instinctively _knew_ he wouldn’t be. Dean had screwed up Heaven’s plans by not selling his soul, not going to hell and not starting the Apocalypse.

“I’ll try not to be offended, Kiddo. You’ve had a hard six months and I know who you were wanting to see instead. But the good news is that I’m here now.” Gabriel said in way of greeting.

Dean watched the Archangel and noted with little interest that despite his initial glee over this little project that he didn’t seem to be enjoying himself all that much. That did nothing to dissuade Dean of his anger. “Why the hell did you just _leave_ me here?” He growled. “I couldn’t save him. Lesson learned.”

Gabriel stared up at him for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t think that it is, Dean. You needed to see the full scale of this decision.”

Dean turned his back on him and slammed back the shot in front of him. “Whatever. Let’s go.”

* * *

 

Dean lands with a jolt in front of Bobby. The man doesn’t seem surprised by his arrival, leading Dean to assume that they’d already been mid-conversation and Bobby hadn’t noticed the swap-out.

“I know where to find him, Bobby. We have to go now.” He announced over the older man’s words. He turned and headed for his car and Bobby moved quickly to follow him in his truck. No words were spoken as Dean turned on Baby and tore out of the lot. He glanced back every once in a while to make sure that Bobby was still behind him.

They got there several hours earlier than Dean had the first time. Arriving just in time to see strange ghosts ripping a blond girl apart. Dean ran through the city shouting for Sam. He reached his brother moments later and hugged him tightly. It didn’t matter that back in his own timeline Sam was alive. He’d just spent six months without him.

“Dean, what are you doing here? How did you find me?” Sam questioned as his new friends gathered around them. Bobby came up behind Ava and smiled at Sam fondly.

“It’s a long story. We need to get you out of here. This all ends badly, Sammy.” Dean assured him.

“We can’t.” Ava pointed out, feigning fear.

Dean turned to face her and glared at her. “You lying bitch.”

Her lips trembled weakly before she gave up the act with a laugh. “Yeah okay. You caught me.” She grinned cruelly at them before waving her hand and sending all of the younger men flying away from her. “I’ve been here a bit longer than I said. I’m the big bad Demon-blood champion and you guys are just unlucky enough to have caught me at the height of my powers.”

“Like hell!” Bobby growled as he wrapped his arms around her with his hunting knife to her throat.

Dean and Sam scrambled to their feet, Jake and Andy watching in confusion from the ground. Dean pulled out his own hunting knife just as Ava winked at him and a strangled gurgle left Bobby’s chest. He stepped backwards, letting go of Ava and looking down at the ghostly hand in his chest. Dean roared in anguish and buried his knife into Ava’s chest. Her body dropped as he passed her by on his way to his surrogate father. Ava’s pet ghost disappeared as she died. Bobby’s knees buckled and Dean caught him before he fell to the ground. Blood pooled on the older man’s lips as he stared up at Dean and Sam who had just caught up.

“No!” Dean howled as Bobby’s final grin faded, leaving him with an armful of dead family. “No, no, no!”

He laid the older man on the ground and turned on his heel as he heard the others approaching. He pulled his gun out and shot Jake before he could take a step closer. The young man fell before he could get any bright ideas. Andy watched him warily for a moment before dropping to his knees beside Bobby and asking if there was anything he could do.

~~

The three men stood and watched as flames licked at Bobby’s body during his traditional hunter’s send-off. They were silent as the Winchesters said goodbye to the only real father they’d ever had and Andy silently thanked the man for his part in saving his life.

Andy stuck around Bobby’s house for a few days before deciding it was time to make his own way in the world. Dean contacted Missouri who hooked both Andy and Sam up with a powerful charm that would hopefully hide their demon-blood from Azazel’s reach. Dean gave the younger man his number in case he ever needed them and dropped him off at a bus station. Upon returning to the house he found that Sam still hadn’t left his room. His brother had spent most of the last week hidden up in his old bedroom. When he finally emerged and Dean handed him his charm necklace, Dean’s hackles went up. Something was different about his brother. Something had _changed._

Sam rebuffed his efforts to talk and so life went on. They eventually left Bobby’s house and began hunting once more. Dean picked the cases, the ones they’d previously hunted, and Sam seemed to care less and less each hunt. Dean ignored the voice in the back of his head telling him that something was seriously wrong with his brother. He’d seen the kid hopped up on demon blood, and he’d seen him possessed by Lucifer. But this was different. He just couldn’t put his finger on it. He’d given his brother a charm that would ward against Azazel and aside from tying his brother down and forcing a chick-flick moment, there was nothing more he could do.

Maybe Sam just felt guilty about Bobby. Hell, Dean could relate. He missed their adopted father like he missed a limb. But at least Sammy was here. At least he was alive and Dean hadn’t needed to sell his soul to make it happen. They’d finally begun to settle back into a rhythm. Which was of course cue for their world to go to shit. They were the Winchesters after all.

He woke up one morning to find that Sam, his bag and the Impala gone. He did his best to not panic. His brother had left in a snit too many times to count. But he knew better than to take Dean’s Baby. He only did that when he was about to majorly fuck shit up. He wasted no time tracing his brother’s cell phone and felt his stomach drop as the coordinates placed Sam heading in the direction of the Hell’s gate.

Dean was in a stolen car and on the highway within minutes but he knew that he’d be too late. He had no idea what kind of head-start his brother had but he knew that it would be enough of one. There would be no hunters there this time around to prevent it from being opened. Bobby was dead, Jo and Ellen were rebuilding the Roadhouse and Sam was opening it himself this time.

The stolen Subaru pulled up to the site and Dean leaned back in defeat as he watched the black smoke pouring out of the gate. He didn’t bother leaving the car. It had taken several of them to close the gate last time. He didn’t have a chance.

Ruffling feathers announced Gabriel’s presence as the two of them sat and watched as Sam Winchester sent the world to hell, or hell to earth more accurately. “I don’t understand.” Dean admitted finally in a voice so broken it surprised them both.

Gabriel sighed and the sound was weary. “You will.”

Dean wondered what he meant and tried to catch his eye. But the angel’s gaze rested on something just past the gate. Dean looked away and his breath left his gut in a punch as he caught sight of Gabriel’s answer. There stood his brother, dark black eyes visible even from where they sat in horror. A sickly smile twisted his features as he gazed coldly back at them. Dean felt his stomach churn violently as Azazel appeared behind his brother and clapped a proud hand on Sam’s shoulder. Identical winks were aimed his way just before they disappeared from sight. Dean threw the door open and vomited all over the ground. Once he had stopped dry heaving, he pulled himself back into an upright position and stared at the still overflowing gate.

“How many more?” Dean asked finally.

“With no one to close the gate? Eventually all of them.”

Dean’s eyes closed as the first tear slid down his cheek.

* * *

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life hasn't been easy on the Winchesters and reliving it all just seems to reinforce that. Dean isn't so sure that this little gift from Gabriel is worth it.

The now familiar jolt sent shock waves through his body. He breathed a breath of relief to see Bobby once again standing in front of him. He found himself wrapping his adopted father up in his arms tightly and breathing in the scent of the man who had truly raised him. Seeming to sense that Dean wasn’t okay, Bobby stowed his gruff response and hugged the boy back. Dean took a moment to calm himself before stepping back and grinning falsely. No need to worry the man.

“We should split up. You track down any signs of demonic omens and I’ll start pounding the pavement. Call me if you find anything, yeah?” He called a ‘thanks’ over his shoulder as he left the older man gawping at him in confusion. He slid into the Impala and sped all the way to Sammy.

He was once again too late to save the blonde, but from what Sam had told him, the poor girl was probably better off dead anyways. Rogue had always had the shittiest backstory of Marvel and Rose wasn’t faring much better. He ran through the town desperate to find his brother. His shouts brought the group running and he found his steps faltering as he looked upon his little brother. He did his best to see the usual brown eyes instead of the evil black ones he’d stared into so recently. He was startled when his brother hugged him tightly in relief and Dean reminded himself that it hadn’t really happened. Not yet.

“We need to get out of here.” Dean barked at them as Sam let go of him.

“We can’t! We’re trapped here.” Ava exclaimed, her voice falsely fearful.

Rage boiled through his veins as Dean stepped away from Sam and turned to face their former friend. Without a word Dean pulled out his gun and shot her in between the eyes. Sam had barely enough time to shout out in surprise before Dean turned and shot Jake too.

“Dude!” Sam yelled in horror. Dean turned to look at Andy and the younger man stepped back with his hands raised. Dean replaced the safety on his gun and nodded towards the man.

“Do you want to explain why the hell you just shot them?” Sam yelled after several tense moments of silence. Dean noted that Andy seemed to want answers as well.

“We need to go, _now_ ” He said in response before turning on his heel back towards the Impala.

“We _can’t_.” Andy reminded him gently as if afraid of pushing Dean into pulling out the gun again. “We’re trapped here.”

Dean shook his head, facing them once more. He wanted to be out of there like yesterday. “Not anymore. Ava was controlling everything, including the demons and ghosts. She killed the blonde and she was gonna do Andy next. Jake would have killed her and then Sam. Then he would have opened a Devil’s gate and turned the world to crap. So let’s get the hell out of here. Before Yellow Eyes shows up.”

His words seemed to add to their confusion but both men followed him and no words were spoken as they crossed the previous impenetrable boundary of the ghost town.

It wasn’t until they had put several miles between the ghost town and themselves that Dean began to breathe again. He could feel his brother watching him warily from the passenger seat but he ignored it. Sam was alive, Bobby was alive and so was Andy.

Dean had a plan this time. He knew what would happen if he let Andy go and simply went back to life as normal with Sam. He didn’t know what made his little brother go dark-side but he knew that he had to stop it. Which meant that Yellow Eyes needed to die. Stat.

Missouri set up the charms for both Andy and Sam while Dean and Bobby worked on Dean’s plan. It took a week before they were adequately prepared. They found themselves setting up camp by the Devil’s gate the day of the showdown. Dean had covered all of his bases thoroughly and each man had been given specific instructions. Bobby certainly didn’t like his part in the plan but Dean had convinced him that the alternative was just too risky.

Sam and Andy both dropped their charmed necklaces, revealing their location to Yellow Eyes. They stood in a circle of Devil’s traps and waited as Yellow Eyes found them. Dean had known that there was no way that the demon would stay away when he realized that his _children_ were at the gate. Dean felt a pang of satisfaction as Yellow Eyes appeared in a fortified Devil’s trap that was being psychically held together by Andy without Sam’s knowledge.

The man looked furious as he looked around in disgust. His eyes found Dean and he snarled. “I should have known that you’d be behind this betrayal. Thankfully I’ve prepared for such circumstances.” He turned to Sam with a smirk but his eyes flashed yellow when Bobby knocked Sam over the head and the young man dropped to the ground, unconscious.

“Really, Dean?” He growled. “Your own brother?”

Dean shrugged. “Precautions.” He pulled the Colt out of his jacket pocket and looked over to Andy. Andy nodded, his concentration holding as he fought to keep Yellow Eyes in the trap.

Yellow Eyes clicked his tongue, eyeing the Colt worriedly. “Really, Dean? Trusting a virtual stranger over Dear, darling Sammy? That’s not going to go over well.”

He had a point. Dean knew that. He knew that Sam would be hurt but he needed to keep them all alive. And Andy remained unaffected by Azazel’s bullshit. “Probably not.” Dean allowed before cocking the gun and aiming it at the Bastard’s head. “But you won’t be around to see the fallout.”

Dean squeezed the trigger and the sound echoed throughout the site even after the bullet smoked in Yellow Eyes’ forehead and his body dropped to the ground.

* * *

 

That should have been it of course. They were supposed to be safe now. Charm necklace reclaimed, Andy went on his merry way, happy to see that his psychic “gifts” had disappeared along with Azazel. He mentioned perhaps becoming a hunter but decided to try the honest life for a bit first. Dean decided he was going to miss the funny guy.

Dean and Bobby watched Sam like a hawk but Azazel’s influence seemed to have disappeared when his psychic powers did. The resentment was another story. He was furious with Dean for not trusting him and feeling betrayed by Bobby for going along behind his back. Dean knew that there was more to the story. He could see it in Sam’s eyes as he hurled accusations their way. The doubt that seemed to creep up. The knowledge that there had been some reason to distrust him, to worry about his judgment. Dean hadn’t been sure before how quickly Azazel had worked on his brother’s mind but it was clear this time that it had begun at some point in the first week.

Dean apologized, but he didn’t mean it. And Sam didn’t accept the apology because he was too hurt and too over the whole thing to talk about it anymore.

They settled down into hunting again. Everyone had survived and Yellow Eyes was gone. The Devil’s gate had never opened so they didn’t need to worry about chasing down rogue demons. Their name was still worth something in the hunting community.

They hunted, but more and more Sam would come up with excuses to not tag along. At first it had been a cold. A _cold_. Now maybe Dean shouldn’t have called him a little bitch, but _seriously_? What kind of hunter could be felled by a cold? They had both fought demons and ghosts with broken limbs and hangovers. Dean had once dispatched a vengeful demon while vomiting in between his Latin chanting. So he left his little brother lying pathetically on Bobby’s couch and went after the thing by himself.

The next time it was a sprained wrist. A _sprain._ After a while Dean stopped reacting. After a month or so he stopped asking his brother to come along at all. It was after three months of solo hunts that Dean came home to find a note for him lying on the couch and Bobby wearing a weary frown

_Dean,_

_I’m done. You know it, I know it. I’m out._

_Maybe someday you will be too._

_Sam._

And that was that. No contact information, all of his phones left behind and no promise he’d ever see them again.

Life went on. It always would. He found himself looking at his watch more frequently. This life wasn’t so bad. At least everyone had lived.

But he missed Cas.

Gabriel walked into Bobby’s the day before Dean’s birthday. He sat down on the couch and raised an eyebrow as he noticed the near-empty bottle in Dean’s lap. He didn’t mention that it was 10:30 in the morning or that Dean hadn’t shaved in too long.

“This life isn’t too bad.” Dean hedged eventually, slurring his way through the thought.

Gabriel shook his head, looking away. “Sam died yesterday. Hunted down by some of Azazel’s followers. Lillith was behind it. They killed Sam and the little thing he was shacking up with.”

Dean wanted to be angry about it, wanted to point out that the whole thing was bullshit. But he had seen it coming. Sam could never outrun his destiny and his part in Azazel’s downfall.

“Next?”

* * *

 

Dean was almost relieved to find that he wasn’t standing in front of Bobby the next time. They’d gone back further. Further into his past. Dean had already done his best to change things with Yellow Eyes. Gabe seemed to understand that. He found himself standing barefoot in a hospital and watched as people passed around and eventually through him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and followed the corridor to where he knew Sam and his father were. He didn’t bother going into his own room. He watched as the two of them fought, the way they always did and he slid down to the floor. His mind had been made up the moment he’d found his bearings but his eyes traced the lines of John’s face and then Sam’s.

He didn’t feel exactly confident in leaving the two of them alone for good. But what else could he do? He’d wondered so many times what would have happened if his dad had been around to look out for Sammy instead. It had been John who had given Dean his life’s mission in the first place. Keeping Sam safe was John’s number one priority for Dean. Maybe he’d do a better job of it. It’s not like Dean loved his life all that much anyways. He stood up and brushed a hand over Sammy’s hair before walking out of the room.

“I’m ready.” He announced, feeling the gaze of his reaper on his back.

If Tessa was confused by his admission or even that he knew what she was, she didn’t show it when she appeared in front of him. He was sure that she had seen everything by this point.

“Do you have any questions?” She asked kindly.

He shook his head. Given his luck it would hurt. He wasn’t sure that he was headed to heaven but he didn’t think he was headed to hell either.

Tessa smiled sadly, as if she understood him. She then leaned forward and brushed her lips softly against his. He was confused when she faded from sight and he found himself standing in a motel room listening to John and Sam yelling at each other.

“You can’t really die, Kiddo. This isn’t really real. This is just what happens after you die.” Gabriel reminded him gently as they watched the scene unfold.

“You stupid bastard! It’s your fault that he’s dead. You and your stupid crusade!” Sam shouted, a finger pointed in his father’s direction.

John glared up at his son. “It wasn’t a stupid crusade after your little girlfriend died, was it Sammy?”

Dean flinched at the harshness in his father’s voice. He knew that they were both hurt and their volatile relationship prevented them from comforting each other. But it didn’t hurt any less to hear them speak with such vitriol. “Come on, Dad.” He muttered.

“Fuck you!” Sam bellowed, the only warning before his fist slammed against his father’s face. “Don’t you _ever_ talk about her! Just don’t!”

Dean slumped onto the bed beside his father as they watched Sam storm out.

“God damn it.” John muttered, rubbing at his eyes.

Dean stared at the rare display of emotion from his father as the scene dissolved. He found himself standing beside a Crossroad as his father faced off with Yellow Eyes. Dean yelled in fear, worried that his father would deal again. But Yellow Eyes simply laughed at the man.

“Dear Sammy is mine, John. You failed. Maybe you should have spent a little more time parenting and a little less chasing me.”

The scene changed again and Dean watched as John Winchester fell to his knees, felled by his own gun. The life slowly slipped out of his eyes as Sam stood over him impassively with Yellow Eyes at his side. Black smoke flooded the sky.

“Enough.” Dean pleaded. Gabriel took pity on him and snapped his fingers.

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

Dean stared up at the apartment building and huffed tiredly. He felt like he hadn’t slept in years. He watched for any sign of movement but knew that Sammy wouldn’t wake until Dean broke in. Dean took a deep breath and after one more look up at the building, he turned on the Impala and headed to Jericho alone.

He hunted alone, saved some of the previous vics and managed to dispatch Constance in record time. He was on his way to kill the Wendigo when his cell phone rang. He listened numbly as a young woman asked if he was Dean Winchester. She proceeded to tell him that he was listed as Sam’s emergency contact.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Winchester. There was a fire and-“

And Jess still died. How the hell did that happen? Sam had dreamt of her death for months. How had he not-

“Your brother and his girlfriend both perished in the blaze.” She finished. Of course he had. Dean hadn’t been there to pull the stupid son of a bitch out of the room.

The Impala screeched to a halt as he processed her words. She continued to offer her condolences but he heard none of it. When he finally snapped out of it he found himself on the road to where he knew his father was hiding. His mind buzzed with white noise as he pulled up to the abandoned building. He jumped out of the car and ran up the steps. Kicking the door in, he stomped across the derelict room and hauled his father to his feet. John seemed confused and Dean’s fist landing against his jaw didn’t clear anything up for him.

“Dean, what-?” His inquiry was cut off as Dean began to rain blow after blow after blow on his good-for-nothing piece-of-shit father.

“I hate you! You son of a bitch! He’s dead! And it’s your fault! Couldn’t you have just come to us? Why the bread crumbs? You bastard!” Dean bellowed each accusation, accompanied by a harsh blow to his father’s breaking body.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he tried to shake it off as he continued to pummel the pain away. The hand yanked him back and spun him around. Dean’s face was red and splotchy from the tears he hadn’t realized were falling. Gabriel stared up at him with honest-to-God compassion before he pulled the hunter into a hug. The tears fell freely as he cried onto the shoulder of his former tormentor.

“I can’t go back any further.” Dean muttered finally as he came back to himself. He ignored the bleeding man at their feet and stepped away from the Archangel. “I have to make the deal.”

Gabriel nodded sadly and touched two fingers to his forehead, so reminiscent of Castiel that Dean’s breath caught in his throat.

* * *

 

He sealed the deal with a kiss and thankfully everything sped by in a blur as he and Sam found a way to kill Lilith. Despite his protests, Sam continued to sneak around with Ruby. It seemed that some things would never change.

They found Lillith based on Dean’s memory and with much protesting from Sam who wanted to confirm with Ruby first. Dean found his moment and killed the demon bitch before she’d even realized he was there. He had a brief moment to feel relief before Ruby showed up snarling in rage. Her knife was buried to the hilt inside of Sam’s chest before he could move a muscle. With a twisted smile she summoned her hounds and they dragged Dean down to the pit as Sam’s soul ascended to heaven.

He withstood the torture for longer this time, sped up into a blur from what he was sure was Gabriel’s assistance. But when 40 years came around and no angels appeared, he found himself shouting for Gabriel. A white blast shattered the painful atmosphere as Gabe pulled Dean from the rack and returned him to his health.

“What happened? Where are the angels?” Dean’s eyes stung in betrayal. “Where’s _Cas_? Why didn't he come?”

“The angels never come, Dean. Sam died, you got dragged to hell. Apocalypse ended before you could start it. They can’t send Sam back, can’t send him downstairs. So Luci can’t have him. There’s no point in grabbing you. They’re too pissed to save you.” Gabriel met his eyes knowingly. “Cas never got the order. He never came for you.”

Dean swallowed thickly as he looked around Hell. “What happens to me?”

Gabriel shook his head and made to snap his fingers. Dean grabbed his hand desperately, shaking his head. “Dean-o, you don’t want to know.”

But Dean did. Dean needed to know.

Gabriel closed his eyes, breathing deeply. The landscape changed and swirled by dizzyingly, before finally stopping on the moment Dean broke. They watched as Dean fell from the rack onto a heap at Alistair’s feet. “372 years.” Gabriel told him as the scene flew away once more. Everything settled and Dean stared in horror up at a distorted figure sitting on a throne formed of brutalized bodies.

“Am I one of them?” He asked, hoping that his fate had been so lucky. The alternative was just too much.

Gabriel seemed to understand how desperately he hoped it was so. He shook his head and walked forward until he was gazing right up at the King of Hell. Dean followed him after many moments of silent panic. When he finally reached the throne it took him several minutes to actually look up at the creature seated upon the throne. His knees gave out and he knelt in horror.

“How?” He begged as his green eyes met cruel, black ones.

“We got sick of being tortured. Started enjoying torturing.” The King told him with a sick grin. “Made a name for ourselves. Took over for Alistair. Killed Crowley and Abaddon and Cain. Ripped every demon that stood in our way to pieces. And we loved every second.”

Dean didn’t know who Cain was but the demon in front of him sure seemed proud of himself. His eyes fell on an ugly mark on the King’s forearm and the blade that was clutched tightly at his side.

It couldn’t get worse. He was sure of it. He would become the King of Hell and it couldn’t get worse. Except it did. A sob escaped Dean’s chest as his eyes fell on a familiar blue gaze. Only instead of Castiel glaring dangerously, tilting his head in confusion or smiling fondly at him, his eyes were blank. Dead.

“No!” He breathed. “No!” His mind raged against what his eyes were telling him. His stomach rolled and his body screamed in protest. NO. “No, no, no, no, no.”

“What?” Demon Dean laughed. “You thought we were in Hell?”

Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of the dead eyes in front of him. He couldn’t. He killed Cas. He sat on a throne made of corpses and Cas was one of them. He couldn’t breathe.

“This is my heaven, Buddy! _Our_ heaven.” Demon Dean taunted. When Dean didn’t respond, his Demon-self followed his gaze over to the dead angel. “Oh, yes he was a pretty one. I had some fun with him before he died. And by some, well I mean a century or two. He made the prettiest little sounds as I tore his flesh off him in strips. When I stripped in naked and-“

Dean jumped to his feet and threw himself at the Demon. He threw fists and bit and scratched. He wanted _blood_. He didn’t care that his opponent wore his face, or at least a twisted version of it. The bastard had killed _Cas_. He was rabid, foaming at the mouth in his desperation to _destroy_. He had never been less human as he put everything he had into punishing his future self. The Demon just laughed at him before finally throwing him to the ground.

“Take a good look, Kid. This is what you become.” Demon Dean flashed a predatory smile at him.

“Gabe," Dean sobbed, "Get me the hell out of here.”

* * *

 

Dean made the deal. He made no effort to get out of it. He hugged Sam and Bobby goodbye and waited in the junkyard for the Hellhounds to come. He thought about asking Bobby to keep an eye on Sam but he was starting to learn that the harder he tried to change things, the worse they got. Sam would still manage to sneak away with Ruby and he’d still end up addicted to Demon blood.

The growls filled the air and Dean waited stoically. Not a single shout of pain left his lips as the hounds dragged their prey to hell.

Dean refused to break. Cas would come for him. Cas always came for him.

At the forty year mark Gabriel showed up without Dean calling him. He pulled Dean off of the rack and Dean looked around desperately, waiting for Castiel to show up, all angelic Glory and Righteous fury.

“Why?” He asked finally in a tiny voice when he realized that despite his faith, Cas wasn’t coming.

Gabriel snapped his fingers and Dean found himself on a bar stool. He looked around and found himself in a bar he’d passed through many years before. Where they served his favourite beer and the most amazing apple pie. He looked down at the counter and smiled as he saw both in front of him. He dug into the pie happily, for a moment forgetting where they’d just been.

“You didn’t break.” Gabriel answered his question finally.

Dean finished his pie and waited for the Archangel to continue. “I’m not sure how much Cas has told you about the fight for your soul, but you were _his_ mission. The moment your soul reached Hell, Castiel fell after you and fought his way towards you. Alone.”

Dean choked on his beer and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “ _Alone_?”

Sometimes he found himself forgetting just how _important_ and _powerful_ Castiel was. The angel who had gripped him tight and raised him from Perdition. But Dean had always assumed that Cas hadn’t been alone. That he’d been a part of a bigger army, just one of many who had laid siege to Hell. He hadn’t thought a lot on just why it had been Cas who raised him. He’d just been so damn grateful that it had been Castiel and not one of the feathered dicks who had spent so much time making them all miserable.

Hell was huge. It was bigger than the human mind could conceptualize. It was pain and misery and tragedy incarnate. There was no light, no hope in hell. There was only fire, ice and blood. Tears and screams. Dean hadn’t just dreamt of the torture after he was raised. In dreams he remembered the utter hopelessness of hearing millions, billions of tortured screams. He’d remembered the screams of those that _he_ had tortured.

Demons patrolled. Everywhere they popped up, getting off on the agony that was hell and the suffering of the souls. How had Castiel survived, _fought_ alone for so long? He found himself even more in awe of his savior.

Gabe shrugged, interrupting Dean’s train of thought. “You have to remember that he was acting on false orders, Dean-o. He was created to save the Righteous Man. Dad created him to save you. But Dad was long gone and his replacements had other plans. So Castiel fought his way towards you for thirty years. He would never have questioned the strange orders or the danger he was being put in needlessly.”

_“He was created to save the Righteous Man. Dad created him to save you.”_ Holy shit. Dean fought against the panic surging in his chest. He needed to focus. Focus. “Okay, but why didn’t he come?” _He always comes_ , he tacked on silently.

Gabriel cleared his throat and Dean squinted at the tears that seemed to gather at the corners of the Archangel’s eyes. He gave him a moment to compose himself, more out of shock than anything. “You never broke, Dean. So the other angels never joined him. Castiel was always meant to save you, but he wasn’t meant to do it alone. The other angels were only to join him once you broke. Castiel didn’t know this and neither did his garrison. You didn’t break, the orders never came and-“ Gabriel swallowed thickly. “And Cas died after 53 years of fighting his way towards you.”

The bottle slipped through Dean’s fingers and shattered as it hit the floor. Images of a dead Castiel flooded through his mind before settling on the image of his twisted body beneath Dean’s throne.

“When you eventually broke there was no one to save you. Sam had long since died and because of his dealings with Ruby he ended up in hell as well. You broke shortly after Sam turned the knife on you.” Gabriel was definitely tearing up this time. “Your future ended up much the same as the last one. Just with Sam as your enemy in the battle for hell. He had the edge but you had the mark.”

Dean stared blankly at the wall in front of him, unaware of the server cleaning up the glass at his feet. Everything he did, every decision he changed, they always ended up screwed.

_“When Castiel first laid hands on you in hell, he was lost!”_

How was it possible that Cas had died even before Dean had ended up ruining him?

“Why are we still here?” He asked finally.

“Because you need to understand that life could be worse. You need to understand that you have a lot to be thankful for. You, Sam and Castiel, your fates are irreparably intertwined. Changing your past will only make things worse.” Gabriel explained in between shots that had at some point appeared in front of him. “Your fates are bigger than all of this.”

Dean shook his head. He refused to believe that Cas had to be sucked into all of this bullshit. He’d accepted years ago that he and Sam were never going to have a good life. They would continue to be the chosen ones for some psychopath, monster or cosmic war until the end of time. But Castiel deserved better.

“Cas isn’t. He shouldn’t have to be involved with this shit. Winchester blood is in our veins, not his. He shouldn’t be stuck living like this.” Dean argued passionately.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and threw back several more shots. "Wanna bet?"

 


	5. Chapter 5

A brilliant light had Dean squeezing his eyes shut in pain. He heard Gabriel mutter an oath under his breath before a hand passed over Dean's face. The white light retreated and Dean hesitantly opened his eyes. He glanced over at Gabriel who shrugged. "Sorry."

"What the hell was that?" Dean growled as the bright spots began to fade away from his vision.

"Castiel's true form." Gabriel replied impatiently, plopping down to sit on the grass at their feet.

Dean's eyes bulged. He had seen just what happened to humans when they saw Cas' true form. His eyes left Gabriel and landed on a confusing sight. He stumbled and sat down heavily beside Gabriel as he tried to figure out what he was looking at. Gabriel was watching him as he continued squinting at the creature in front of him; Cas if he wasn't mistaken.

"What do you see?" Gabriel asked after several moments. The curiosity in his voice was confusing to Dean but he answered the question regardless.

"It's Cas, at least I think it is." He paused, trying to best describe what he was seeing. "It's like I can see his human form, his human body." And for the most part he could see the human aspects of Castiel. Gabriel didn't comment on the fact that Dean no longer thought of the body as a vessel, as someone else's body. Jimmy had long since moved on, Dean knew it instinctively. Dean crinkled his brow. "When is this, Gabriel? Cas didn't take Jimmy as a vessel until after I was raised."

Gabriel nodded softly, though Dean's eyes were still firmly fixed on the other angel. "This is long before you came into existence, Dean-o."

Dean finally looked away from Castiel and stared in confusion at his Archangel tour-guide.

"I had forgotten how overwhelming an Angel's true visage would be to one who has spent so much time in Hell recently." Gabriel snuck a glance over at his little brother. "So I adjusted your vision. What else do you see? Just his human form?"

Dean felt a bit like a science experiment, the way that Gabriel was lit up with curiosity and barely-concealed excitement. He huffed a breath out as his green eyes trailed over Cas' form. "It's hard to describe. It's like looking at two things at once. I mean I can see Cas, my Cas," His eyes narrowed but he ignored the sound of approval from Gabriel at the possessive pronoun. "I can see his mouth, those chapped lips of his. And I can just make out his black messy hair. But his eyes are different. They're somehow bluer, which between you and me, I didn't think was possible."

"What else?" Gabriel pushed, giving up all pretense of casual.

"His edges are blurred. Like he's not totally solid. It's kind of like he's standing in front of, or maybe behind a rainbow?" Dean's eyebrow's furrowed in concentration. "It's like he sort of moves in and out of sight. He's there but he's bigger than he is. I'm not making any sense." He ran a hand through his hair in concentration before scrambling to his feet and walking towards the angel. When Castiel made no move, he realized that Dean and Gabriel weren't really there this time. He moved slowly around the angel, trying to glean some understanding of just what he was seeing. "He sort of undulates, like the waves of an ocean. He's solid but liquid too. When the sun catches him just right he's a million different colours. And Jesus Christ." Dean fell backwards and landed heavily on the ground.

Gabriel clicked his tongue. "Blasphemy. And in Heaven no less."

Dean ignored him, the Archangel was clearly less offended than he was intrigued by Dean's reactions. He was too busy staring up at the beauty before him to really notice anyways. Castiel had wings. And yes, Dean had always known that Cas must have wings. He was an angel for God's sake. He had also projected shadows of them on occasion to make a point. But seeing celestial shadows and actually seeing the feathered appendages were two very different things.

"Fuck. They're beautiful." Dean breathed finally. He had yet to move from his place tangled at Castiel's feet. He watched as the angel's wings stretched towards the sunlight, catching the light and causing an unknown spectrum of colours to burst into existence. Tears fell freely as Dean beheld the beauty before him. He gave up on trying to identify the colour of the feathers and simply enjoyed the beauty they created in the air surrounding them.

"Castiel." Gabriel called and Dean was surprised when the angel turned towards the Archangel. Dean watched as the two angels embraced and Cas' human form seemed to fade completely. The only immovable part of him was his wings, the rest of his celestial body shifted and danced in the sunlight.

Dean realized as he watched the angels pull apart from each other that he was reliving one of Gabriel's memories. He could feel Castiel's youth as the two angelic brothers conversed about flying lessons. If Cas had been this impressive, this beautiful in his infancy, then what must he look like now?

"You see him, then?" Gabriel whispered in his ear and Dean realized that once more the scene had shifted. He no longer saw Cas in the way that his human eyes did, he saw wings and Grace and celestial intent. He saw a creature mightier than any Dean had ever witnessed.

"Yes." Dean replied in awe.

This seemed to please Gabriel greatly. Scenes played and dissolved before them and Dean found himself too confused to really keep up.

"This is Castiel's future without his mission." Gabriel explained.

Dean watched as the angel ran drills with his garrison in a grey courtyard. Only the beautiful wings distinguished Castiel amongst his peers. Where the other angels' wings were uniform and all alike, Castiel's were larger and infinitely more striking.

"Castiel's wings are a sign of his importance. He was created with a singular purpose. His wings mark this, ensuring that he will never bow to his fellow angels." Gabriel told him, seemingly reading his mind. "Only Archangels have unique wings. Since Castiel's creation it has been known to all that he would one day surpass even us."

The scene changed and Castiel sat alone in a grassy field. "This is his favourite Heaven." Dean murmured when he saw the man with his brightly coloured kite. Dean's eyes finally moved over to his angel, frowning immediately. He moved closer to the resting angel and reached forwards before pulling his hand back. "Something is wrong." He turned to Gabe. "When is this?"

Gabriel's smile was sad. He shrugged. "It's all relative. A month after you save Sam from Yellow Eyes. Two months after you go to Hell and Sam goes to Heaven." He bit his lip. "I figured you didn't need to watch him fight his way through hell alone and die."

Dean's teeth ground together as the ground shifted beneath his feet. When they had settled once more. Dean found Castiel standing on a ledge and watching humanity below him. Dean ran towards the angel and circled him quickly. It had gotten worse. "What's wrong with his wings, Gabriel?"

Gabriel didn't move, only watching his little brother as Dean waited for an answer.

"Damn it, Gabriel! What is wrong with his wings?"

Gabriel shook his head, as if trying to dislodge unhappy thoughts. "He was created for a purpose. You changed your future, you didn't need him."

"But why are his wings like this?" Dean asked impatiently, staring at the drab, colourless appendages. "How long has it been?"

"You know it's just so telling that you can see his true form, that you can see the difference." Gabriel replied thoughtfully. "He failed his mission. He became irrelevant for lack of a better term."

Dean's heart rebelled against that thought. Castiel would never be irrelevant. His hand reached out and brushed against Cas' wings. He recoiled with a shout as something horrible shot up through the connection. Dean stepped back with wide eyes. Overcome with nausea and agony, he demanded, "What the hell was that?"

The Archangel's lips pursed and he looked so damn sad. "That, Dean-o is what a broken heart feels like to an Angel."

Dean could think of nothing to say and Gabriel snapped his fingers.

Dean looked around at the darkened skies and flinched when thunder rolled and lightning snapped.

"This is Castiel's future without the Winchesters."

Dean spun around and stopped in horror as he took in the familiar shape of his angel. Only this wasn't his Castiel. The wings were duller now and colour ceased to flow through his celestial form. An eerie coldness radiated off of the angel that crept over and seeped into Dean's skin, leaving him feeling cold and wrong. Cas had always felt so human to Dean. Now he was like one of the monsters that the Winchesters hunted.

"No." Dean refused to believe what he saw. "Even without us, Cas was getting into trouble for being too curious, being too human. Samandriel said-"

Gabriel cut across his arguments impatiently. "Yes, but that was before he failed. This is after being re-educated by Naomi to the point of being rewritten."

"Who the hell is Naomi?" Dean growled, not liking the sound of this re-education business at all.

Gabriel sighed. "Naomi is someone who will bring Cas a lot of pain in the near future. Someone who has brought a lot of angels, including Cas, pain in the past. Do you remember when Castiel was forced out of Jimmy? And he came back strange? Cold? Well that was after several years' worth of torture at the hands of Naomi."

"Jesus."

"So you see, Dean. Cas doesn't get a free pass from Winchester business." Gabriel snapped his fingers and Dean recoiled from the new sight in front of him. Castiel lying broken at the feet of Lilith. "This is his future if you didn't go to hell. Someone had to finish Lilith. Without a mission, he took up a new one. And as you can see, it doesn't go his way."

Dean struggled to remain standing as several different death scenes flashed in front of his eyes.

"There are a million different ways this can change and yet it always ends with Castiel here, lying dead at Lilith's feet. And you know why? Because he has no stake in the fight. He doesn't fall for humanity. He doesn't bleed for the Winchesters. Without a human anchor, without you, he fights and then heads back up to heaven for re-education. And then he dies. Sometimes it's Lilith, others it's Uriel or Zachariah or Crowley. But he always dies, Dean."

Dean stared brokenly down at his beautiful angel, blue eyes closed forever, wings scorched into the street. "Where are we? Where am I when this is happening?"

Dean was sitting in a plushy chair next to Gabriel as the lights dimmed. Gabriel shrugged. "This constant parallel universe hopping is tiring, Kiddo." He handed Dean a pack of Twizzlers as the dark screen lit up.

Sam was wearing a suit and pacing around a courtroom. He was delivering a defense and Dean found himself a little sad that his brother never got to do this. He was a pretty damn good lawyer. The judge announced that they'd recess for the night and Sam drove away from the law office. He parked in front of a little house with a white picket fence and Dean sighed. He kept thinking back on Cas' body and his sad fate while watching his brother live the apple pie life.

Dean leaned forward, his attention once again on the screen as Sam fought with a beautiful blond woman. They were yelling at each other in the middle of a small kitchen. The woman pulled a small baggie out of her back pocket and Sam's eyes widened.

"No." Dean breathed as he watched his brother snatch the bag away from the woman. Sam yelled accusations at his girlfriend, wife, whatever and stormed out of the house. A gnawing feeling in his stomach had Dean dropping the bag of candy into Gabriel's lap and gripping the armrests. A quick drive and a motel room payment later, Dean watched as Sam pulled out the baggie and began preparing what Dean thought was heroin. He turned away as his brother pulled a syringe out of his jacket. His eyes met Gabe's who nodded shortly.

"He discovers the wonders of Demon blood three months after this."

Dean's mouth opened and a harsh assortment of curses spewed forth as he turned away from the Archangel and waited for the picture on the screen to change. "Where am I?"

The screen settled on an unmarked grave and Dean shuddered. "How?"

"You drank too much after a hunt gone bad. Ended up wrapping the Impala around a telephone pole."

Well wasn't that just perfect.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'd never said 'Yes' before.

Dean decided to drive right past the hotel on the side of the road. He thought that maybe this one he _could_ change. After all this time he knew that Cas was alive. Maybe he and Sammy could just drive through the night and meet Cas at his hospital.

His decision made, Dean pressed his boot down on the gas and Baby sputtered to a stop.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He yelled, smacking the steering wheel in gut-wrenching frustration. Guilt settled heavily upon him and he ran a hand over his car’s dashboard in apology.

Sam looked on in confusion before the two of them wordlessly got out of the car and grabbed their bags. They were soaked by the time they made it inside. Dean grimaced as he relived it all. He tried to save all of the humans who were there for snacks and failed. He failed at keeping Kali from getting their blood for the spell.

A thought occurred to him as he and Sam were pulled into the meeting room. _What if Gabriel never showed up?_ The Archangel wouldn’t die, or not die, he was still a little fuzzy on where exactly Gabe had been since this night. He prayed silently pleading for the Archangel not to appear. Relief fell upon him as Gabriel missed his cue and stayed away.

“You know Lucifer will be here soon, right?” Dean pointed out to the wrathful minor Gods.

His declaration was met with derision and a backhand to his mouth. Sam was watching him with wide eyes, but Dean kept trying to reason with the Gods.

“Well, well, well.” Lucifer’s tone was smug and Dean gritted his teeth. He had never known just how Lucifer had found them in the first place. Maybe he’d been keeping tabs on the petulant Pagans or he’d had an informant.

Things proceeded pretty quickly after that. Blood was shed and Lucifer slaughtered the minor deities with manic glee on his handsome face. Dean and Sam struggled against the magic holding them in place, but knew that they were bound to the hotel until Kali let them go. The Winchester luck was in full effect as Lucifer left Kali alone until all others were dead. When she finally fell and the spell was broken, it was much too late. The boys ran for the exits but the doors slammed closed and with the wave of a hand, they were both held up against the wall.

“Now, now, now. That’s a little impolite isn’t it? What would your mother say?” Lucifer taunted with a malicious grin upon his face. It would seem that the time for playing nice was over. He didn’t need to coax a yes out of Sam. He could just torture it out of him now.

“Fuck off, you pointy-tailed bitch.” Dean snarled.

He should have expected the clenching within his chest and the blood pouring from his lips. It was the go-to of all witches, demons and ghosts they hunted. Why did they always have to go for the heart?

Lucifer clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Surely _Mary_ taught you some manners, Dean?”

Rage choked Dean as he fought against his invisible bonds. He wanted to kill him. It was bad enough that he was going to torture Dean and make Sammy his bitch. He didn’t have to listen to the horned bastard mouth off about his mother.

He opened his mouth to retort but suddenly it felt as if a vice was crushing his windpipe. He choked and sputtered as everything blurred and went black.

When he came to, he was sitting in a chair against the wall and his arms were hung above his head with angel-voodooed manacles attached to the wall. He tipped his head to the side and saw that Sam was in the same situation, though his brother had not yet regained consciousness. Dean glared up at the Devil with as much hatred as he could muster.

“You’re a real son of a bitch, you know that?” Dean spat.

Lucifer turned from where he was sitting against the table and strutted closer. “I didn’t have a mother, Dean.”

Dean laughed, ignoring the warning in Lucifer’s tone. “Too bad, might’ve done you some good. Especially since your dad was such a fuck up.”

The words had barely left his mouth before Dean was choking on blood once more. Sharp pain twisted inside of him, in every pore of his skin and he chomped down on his lip to keep the screams from leaving him. After an eternity of pure, unadulterated _agony_ , Lucifer waved a hand and Dean was left gasping for breath, staring up at him.

“Don’t you _ever_ talk about the Lord like that, you simpering worm.” Lucifer growled with such intensity that the air around them quivered.

Dean chuckled, spitting blood out onto Satan’s shoes. “Why not? He’s a dick. I don’t know why you’d defend him. He cast you down, like the loser you are and-“

It went on this way for some time. Dean knowing which buttons to push about deadbeat daddies and Lucifer torturing him to within an inch of his life. It could have been hours or years but Dean refused to quit. Because once he lost the bastard’s attention then Sam would have it.

He should have known really that while _he_ could withstand the torture, that Sam wouldn’t be able to watch it. Despite being the father of sin, and the original evil, Lucifer lacked imagination. He had nothing on Alistair, especially when angered. Dean could handle it.

But Sam broke. Dean’s stubborn refusal to break under Lucifer’s ministrations shattered when he heard Sam yell above the din “Yes! Just stop hurting him. Yes, okay!”

After that everything was a blur of white light and angel summonings. Lucifer disappeared into Sam and Sam disappeared into Lucifer. Nick, the poor bastard landed on the floor in a dead heap. Dean was alone with the body for only moments before Zachariah and his posse showed up. Zachariah was smug and Dean wanted to murder him where he stood. But Sam had already given in and Dean had never felt more defeated.

“Oh, what was that?” Zachariah snarked, with a hand to his ear. “Oh right, that was Lucifer decimating New York City. And oh! There goes Canada. Poor guys. Just too sweet for their own good. No wonder it was so easy for Lucifer to finish them.”

“Yes.” Dean whispered. More to shut the feathery asshole up than anything else. It was too late for Sam and Dean had never said yes. And he’d always wondered what would happen if he did.

Zachariah barely had time to gloat before Dean was being filled up by the brightest light he’d ever seen. And yet he was unimpressed with the image of the Archangel who now shared Dean’s skin. His beauty was something, but he was no Castiel. Hell, he wasn’t even Gabriel.

“So now I’m an angel condom, that’s just great.” Dean snapped and everyone froze. Zachariah and his crew all stared up at Dean in confusion.

“Michael, he has too much control.” One of the angels barked, fear clear in his dark eyes.

Dean wondered at that before he felt a tug somewhere in his middle and suddenly he was being yanked backwards through the darkness. When he finally settled he was snugly fit into some tight, dark space deep within his subconscious. He squinted through the darkness but only managed to get pieces here and there. His head ached whenever he concentrated too long.

He couldn’t say how long he was tucked into his own psyche but he emerged only twice. The first time was when he heard a familiar voice shouting for him to come forth. He followed Cas’ voice but couldn’t quite fight to the surface in time.

“Castiel, you’re just a human now. Do you not know how easy it would be to kill you?” Michael said with Dean’s voice.

Dean fought harder, desperate to speak with Cas. To save him.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas pleaded and Dean saw that he was kneeling at Michael’s feet. “ _Please_ , you can stop this, you can fight him.”

Dean saw Michael’s intention just a moment before he acted but Dean wasn’t fast enough. He was too late. As he scrambled towards the surface he actually _felt_ his own hand pull the Archangel blade into the earthly realm. He could feel it being raised and he stared in horror as Cas waited for the blow. Dean began yelling, begging Michael to stop but Michael ignored him.

A small sigh of pain left Castiel’s lips as the blade sliced through his chest. A terrible screaming overtook everything and Dean’s hands dropped the blade to cover his ears. Michael yelled in pain and withdrew as Dean’s screams deafened him.

“Cas!” Dean yelled, gasping as he took control for the first time in days, months, years? “Cas, please. Cas, Cas, Cas!”

Dean dropped to his knees and pulled the former angel up against his chest. Castiel’s head rolled back against his shoulder and blue eyes met green. “There you are.” Cas smiled weakly.

“No, please, Cas. I’m so sorry. I killed you.” He sobbed the words out, tears falling and running down Cas’ skin.

Cas’ head snuggled closer to the warmth of Dean’s chest. Dean fought to focus on the feeling of it as he felt Michael clawing his way back up.

“You didn’t. You didn’t.” Cas promised.

Dean brushed his fingers across Cas’ cheeks, eyelids and hair. “Please don’t leave me, Cas.” The words surprised him, though they probably shouldn’t have. He’d wanted to say those same words a thousand times and he never had. Settling instead for more platonic, more acceptable alternatives. “ _Please_ , Cas.”

Cas’ breathing became more laboured and Dean cried openly. He couldn’t convince himself that this wasn’t real. He tried. He tried so damn hard. He knew that this wasn’t the end. He knew that Gabriel would come for him once he’d seen this play out.

Cas had died so many times now, always for the Winchesters. But this felt permanent. And he’d never died in Dean’s arms before. Dean had barely survived it when he’d watched Cas walk into that lake. He’d hauled around a dirty, torn trench-coat for months even though it smelled like filthy lake water.

“I’d have followed you anywhere.” Cas mumbled against Dean’s jacket, his grip loosening on Dean’s arm.

“I know, Cas. I know.” And he did. God, he knew. Cas who had raised him from hell. Cas who had broken Heaven’s rules, who had become human and still showed up at that damn cemetery with holy Molotov cocktails. Cas who had followed a stranger to save Sam, who had willingly taken Sam’s mental illness. Cas who had followed Dean to fight Dick Roman and straight into Purgatory.

“I know.” He repeated gruffly, pressing his lips against the former angel’s forehead. Castiel sighed and breathed his last.

Dean broke. He held his best friend’s body more closely and screamed his pain at the heavens, or Heaven really. He cursed each and every angel who still existed. He yelled himself hoarse and then he crumbled. Blackness overtook him once more as Michael took the reins and Dean huddled into a heartbroken mass, unaware of anything but the pain that tore through him.

The second time he came back to himself was the last time. He awoke standing over the body of his brother. He was aware of the angels celebrating, their song echoing over the Earth. They had triumphed. Lucifer was slain. Dean watched as the sky lit up with unknown colours as angels streaked through the air. He wasn’t surprised that he could see them, he’d been strapped to an angel comet for a long time now. He didn’t bother looking around to see how other humans were handling the sight, to see if anyone was able to see it without their eyes burning out. He didn’t bother because Dean knew that there wasn’t anyone left. The Angelic war had decimated the planet. Anyone left, if there _was_ anyone left, were underground or hidden so well that even he wouldn’t be able to find them. And so he watched. He watched the creatures he hated above all others celebrate their victory in the Final war. They had won and they gave zero fucks about the cost. The earth smouldered and the humans were virtually extinct.

“Thank you, Dean Winchester.” Michael’s voice boomed from beside him. Dean acted without thought. He lunged for the angel blade still grasped within his brother’s dead fingers. Before Michael could react, Dean had shoved the blade deep into the monster’s chest.

“That’s what you get, Motherfucker. You don’t get a happily ever after. You can die along with your bastard brother.” Dean seethed into the face of the Earth’s destroyer. “I hope you burn in hell.”

Without a vessel to contain him, Michael sort of exploded. Dean was knocked over with the force of his death and took a few moments to regain his bearings. He stood slowly, a smile of grim satisfaction overtaking his features as everything shifted. The angels no longer sung in victory but wailed in mourning. Dean raised both middle fingers to the sky and waited for the end.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Highlight Reel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the rating because as I've gotten to the last two chapters of this story it's become a little smuttier than I had intended.

Dean was back in that old-style movie theater. The room was dark and he leaned into the elbow next to his own. The two of them were silent for several moments before Dean sighed.

“Did you watch all of that?” He asked curiously, though mostly he was just tired.

Gabriel chuckled but it was gruffer and a lot sadder than he’d intended. “Yeah, it shouldn’t surprise me that even at the end of the world you’ve got your middle fingers up to the bad guys.” His voice was fond and Dean almost chuckled, almost. But he just lived through the end of the world and was the only one standing.

“The bad guys?” Dean asked instead. “You mean your family.”

Gabriel sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I love my family. But there is no defending what you just went through. They don’t care and they would have continued to celebrate. Eventually, _maybe_ , they might have looked for survivors. But it’s more likely that some goon like _Zachariah_ would have subjugated them and abused them.”

Dean liked the way that Gabriel’s mouth twisted when he mentioned Dean’s least favorite angel. “My only regret is that I didn’t get the chance to string Zachariah up and knife him.” Dean joked darkly. Yes, he had already killed Zach, but he felt that the bastard deserved more than one death. Given the chance again he might do it a little bit more slowly. “Sorry.” Dean huffed. “I’m feeling a little bit dark.”

Gabriel shrugged and pulled an apple pie from thin air. The two of them dug in and finished off the pie in silence.

“So, are you ready to go back to your time? Or do you want to keep going?” Gabriel wondered. “I could do the highlight reel if you’d like.”

Dean thought about it. He was tired and felt rawer than he had since hell. His curiosity hadn’t been cured yet it seemed as he heard himself saying, “Highlight reel.”

Gabriel laughed, unsurprised. He rubbed his hands together and Dean was suddenly holding a big tub of buttery popcorn with a case of his favorite beer on the floor next to his feet. Dean laughed, for real this time. “Cas had better be careful, you’re sure making your case for best friend, Angelboy.”

This seemed to amuse Gabriel immensely. He snickered as the screen flickered to life. “We both know that Cas isn’t your best friend, Winchester. So the spot was already available. Codependent but stupid sweet little brother? Check! Socially-stunted but fiercely loyal and sexy angel boyfriend? Check! That spot was basically _made_ for me.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to argue with Gabriel but found that his lips snapped shut without his consent. He glared at Gabriel but the Archangel ignored him and pointed to the screen. Dean’s jaw ground together but he turned and faced the screen.

Cas was _not_ his boyfriend.

_Sam stumbled away from a bloodied Dean and jumped into the pit, dragging Michael, Lucifer and Adam with him. Cas fluttered in behind Dean and put everything right, or at least everything he could fix._

_Dean asked Cas to stay and they drove back to Bobby’s instead of Dean heading to Lisa’s. The three of them lived together in mourning for a while before Dean and Cas set out on the road._

_Two months, three days and four hours after Sam jumped, Dean kissed Cas. The two of them were standing outside a nameless motel when Cas cracked a joke. It wasn’t funny and the delivery was all off, but Dean appreciated the effort. So he stepped forward and pressed his lips against the angel’s._

Dean shifted uncomfortably and Gabriel cackled. It wasn’t the state of undress of the two men on the screen that bothered Dean. In fact, he’d be lying if he said he’d never considered Castiel in that way. His dreams had frequently included his angel savior in some way or another after Hell. The dreams had happened less often as they got to know each other but then the fantasies had popped up during the daytime. He hadn’t had as many one-night stands and often found himself reaching for memories of the blue eyed angel instead of his skin mags.

No, Dean was uncomfortable because Gabriel was sitting next to him cackling as his little brother and Dean went at it on the screen. Vigorously. And loudly. After a particularly porny whine, Dean cleared his throat and Gabriel’s grin slipped. “Fine!” He huffed, annoyed, but snapped his fingers regardless.

_Everything sort of fell into place. Dean and Castiel ganked demons and ghosts and other things that went bump in the night. They met up with Bobby every once in a while. They saved people, hunted things._

_And through it all, Dean missed his little brother like he’d lost a limb._

_Cas helped. He knew Dean better than anyone else ever had, even Sammy. Maybe it was because he’d raised Dean and rebuilt him. Or maybe it was because the two of them had a bond. The two of them fell together each night and slowly, Dean felt himself healing._

_Castiel hadn’t left his side since Sam had gone. Dean knew that Heaven needed him, but Dean needed him more._

_The two of them were kissing lazily on a motel bed when the door was kicked in. Cas jumped off the bed and crouched into a battle stance, his sword pulled into existence and Dean scrambled to his feet with Ruby’s knife held tightly in front of him. Nothing happened for a moment but then Raphael walked in._

“Damn it!” Dean yelled.

Gabriel nodded grimly. “Luci and Mikey can be real dickheads, but I’ve _never_ liked Raph.”

“So he just shows up and killed Cas? What the hell?” Dean complained.

Gabriel shrugged. “Cas didn’t go back to heaven. Didn’t try to fix things. No matter how misguided Cas’ intentions were at the time, he really did want the best for Heaven _and_ Earth. Without his interference, Raphael gained followers and didn’t need Castiel around anymore. Better dead than alive.”

“Next.” Dean snapped, shoving his hand into the tub of popcorn. “And for the love of, um whatever, skip the porny bits.”

Gabe wiggled his eyebrows. “I can just upload _those_ directly to your brain if you’d like.”

Dean dragged his palm over his face and shook his head.

_Sam jumped. Dean asked Cas to stay. Dean asked Cas to pull Sammy out of the pit and to make sure he had all of him. Sammy survived._

_“The wall I’ve built is really only so strong, Dean.” Cas told him one night as they sat together on the couch. “Eventually he’ll break through.”_

_Dean called Death the next week. He lured him there with the best onion rings, cheeseburger and root beer float that Cas could find. But Death was angry, furious even. He was pissed that the Winchesters kept screwing with the natural order of things._

_They swear to find another option later, but first Castiel needed help with Heaven. Sam, Dean, and Bobby do as much as they can for the angel and things looked bright. But Crowley wanted in and partnered with Raphael instead._

_Sam fell apart suddenly. His mind’s wall of defense held for four months before crumbling completely. They lock him up in the basement after he tried to kill Bobby, claiming that he was a ghoul._

_Dean, Cas and Bobby race to stop Raphael and Crowley from opening Purgatory. They fight but the power of Raphael and Crowley combined is too much._

_Castiel stole the blood and the souls to keep Crowley and Raphael from having them. Dean and Bobby stand by as Cas killed Raphael and Crowley. When he turned to them Dean was terrified that Cas wouldn’t still be there, but the half-smile he received had him breathing a sigh of relief._

“He didn’t go dark-side.” Dean breathed in surprise.

“He needed someone to believe in, someone who believed in him. It made all the difference, Kiddo. Now shush!”

Dean rolled his eyes.

_Dean and Bobby helped Cas return to souls to Purgatory. But even without being weakened, the Leviathan still held on._

_This time Castiel died in Dean’s arms._

“Enough.” Dean gasped. He dropped his popcorn as his fists rubbed his eyes. No amount of pressure would push away the memory of Cas dying _again_ as Dean held him helplessly.

Gabriel wasn’t unaffected, having watched his little brother die yet again. Dean felt rather than saw his nod and the image on the screen shifted once more.

_“We love you,” Dean told the God that had once been Castiel. “Please, Cas.”_

_God chuckled humourlessly. “Of course you do. You are simple humans. You rejected me. And now you love me. Now you worship me.”_

_“No!” Dean replied desperately, ignoring the looks on Sam and Bobby’s faces. “Please, we, I loved you before. We shouldn’t have trapped you. We should have-“_

_“Your regrets mean nothing to me. Do not contact me again. I have much work to do.”_

“This is after we were together or are we just picking up from history again?” Dean asked, confused.

“This is after you trapped him in holy fire, after you fought him, watched him take in the souls and Sam stabbed him.” Gabriel explained. “I know it’s confusing, Kiddo, but actually being there is exhausting.”

_Dean prayed and prayed and prayed. He watched news reports and listened to his radio for any sign of Cas. It was pretty telling that the first thing he did was smite a preacher who hated homosexuals._

_When Castiel finally answered his prayers it was too late. He was already burning up from the inside._

“Don’t make me watch him die again.” Dean pleaded, his voice small. “We both know how this ends.”

_Dean drove his brother and Bobby to a motel and then took off. He drove until dark and parked the Impala beside the base of the river. He knew that the reservoir ended here. He sat on the hood of them Impala and shivered as he waited._

_The surface of the water broke and a naked man gasped for air. Dean was running even before he’d called for help. His boots and leather jacket were thrown over his shoulder before he dove into the cold water. Long, broad strokes had him into the deepest part of the river easily and his hands gripped the flailing man beneath his armpits. Castiel gripped onto him weakly and choked up the water that he’d swallowed. Dean pulled them towards the shore and carried Castiel out of the river. Cas shook violently in his arms and Dean placed him softly on his feet. He rooted around in the trunk and pulled out two blankets. He wrapped the blankets around his shoulders and rubbed Cas’ arms. After several moments he heard Castiel’s teeth stop chattering and he looked up, green meeting blue. Castiel was staring at him through narrowed eyes._

_“I know you.” Castiel announced. “I know your eyes.”_

_Dean smiled, tears in his eyes. “You do.”_

_Castiel’s confusion didn’t clear up quickly. He didn’t know Dean’s name or even his own name. But he knew Dean. The two of them got into the Impala and Dean took him back to the motel._

_Dean led Cas into the room and smiled as Sam and Bobby jumped to their feet. Castiel tilted his head and stared at both of them. “I feel as if I owe you both an apology, but I’m uncertain as to why.”_

_If his family was confused, they didn’t let on. They both grinned at Cas._

_“Well, isn’t this homey.” A smug voice purred from the doorway. Dean spun on his heel to see Crowley standing there with a dangerous glint in his eye. “Sick ‘em.”_

“No!” Dean yelled, jumping to his feet. “No! We were all alright! We were happy! Why the hell would Crowley do that?”

Gabriel snapped his fingers and the lights came on. He ran a hand through his longish hair. “Revenge. Cas screwed him over. You’re the reason he did it. Why not kill all three of you to really punish Castiel? And making you watch Sam and Bobby die was just the icing on the cake. And I don’t think I need to explain why he used hellhounds.”

Dean sank into his seat and buried his head in his hands. He gasped for air as he fought a panic attack. “Tell me there isn’t more. Tell me this was it.”

He felt a gentle hand on his back as Gabriel thought over his answer. “Just one.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe thinks it's time that Dean revisits his opinions on Castiel's decisions during the Civil War.

Dean waited impatiently, desperate to go home and see Cas and Sam with his own eyes.  
Gabriel tapped his fingers against the armrest of his chair. “You’ve never really forgiven Cas for working with Crowley.” He held up a hand when Dean opened his mouth to interrupt. “You’re so sure of yourself. You’re a hunter and you may be the Righteous Man, Winchester, but you’re also too self-righteous for your own good.”  
Dean’s bottom lip popped out in a stubborn pout but he said nothing. Gabriel had a point.  
“Castiel is not only older than your mind can even fathom, but he’s been a military strategist for the whole of his existence. He was Heaven’s greatest warrior, second only to Michael. He alone was tasked with retrieving you from Hell.” Gabe gave him a pointed look. “So taking all of that into account, don’t you think that when he said he had no choice, he might have been right?”  
Dean pursed his lips and looked away from the Archangel’s sharp gaze. He felt an argument bubbling up inside his chest and he had to grit his teeth to keep it locked inside.  
“So, I think it’s important for you to really explore all of those possibilities before you go home. Because you’re so sure of yourself. But you’re wrong. And things will never be alright between the two of you until you realise it.” Gabe finished decisively.  
Dean looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow as Gabriel snapped his fingers.  
**  
It was a beautiful Autumn day and the yard was covered in leaves. Dean felt the unfamiliar pull of muscles in his back as he raked the browning scraps into piles for cleanup. This was one thing he had truly enjoyed while he had lived with Lisa and Ben. The normalcy of it all hadn’t bothered him the way that other routines had. Taking pride in his home had centered him the way that cleaning his guns or tuning up Baby always had.  
Awareness prickled and the fine hairs on the back of his neck rose as he felt the careful watch of Castiel from across the yard. The angel wasn’t visible to the human eye but Dean remembered that moment clearly. He knew then as he knew now that Castiel was there. He had been unwilling to acknowledge him then. Angry perhaps, for the intrusion into his ‘Apple pie life’ or for the reminder of all he’d lost.  
“Hey Cas.” Dean greeted his shadow as he bent to scoop the last of the leaves into the bag.  
From the corner of his eye he saw the trench-coated man appear as if he had walked from behind the garage. He had gotten better at appearing human, not simply appearing out of thin air. Dean had to give him credit for thinking of Dean’s neighbours and Dean himself.  
Cas came to a stop in front of the leaf pile and looked down at it with a tilted head. Dean’s breath held in his chest for a few moments longer than necessary at the sight. He wondered if the angel was trying to understand yard maintenance or Dean’s part in it.  
“Hello Dean.” He replied in his baritone.  
Dean supressed a shudder at the feeling of home that accompanied the greeting. It felt so good to just see his friend again. This exercise of Gabriel’s had taken an emotional toll on him.  
“How’s it going, Buddy?” Dean asked seriously.  
He had changed things by acknowledging his friend. He’d given him a chance to come clean.  
Cas opened his mouth to answer but the door opened and Lisa stepped out. Dean’s breath caught in his chest at the sight of her the way it always had. “Hey, Lise.”  
She asked if he would be done soon and brought out a cup of coffee. He belatedly remembered to introduce her to Cas but he was gone. He was upset that he had left without a word but quickly moved inside to hug Lisa and spend an afternoon with her and Ben.  
**  
Dean blinked his eyes open and found himself lying next to Lisa and felt a moment of severe disorientation. He had no idea where he was. He rolled over and breathed in the familiar scent of Lisa’s perfume before it all came back to him.  
Gabe had sent him back to prove that he would have helped Cas if he’d come to him.  
Dean sat up and sighed as he scraped a hand over his face.  
Cas had come to see him and Dean had ended up playing house with his former family and then went to bed with Lisa.  
0-1 for Gabe.  
He got up and went to have a shower. He got dressed and headed out to a public park. Sitting down at the benches he prayed to Cas and waited for the familiar rustling of wings.  
Five minutes later Cas joined him on the bench looking ruffled but alive.  
“Hello, Dean.” Cas greeted him.  
Dean smiled. “Sorry about yesterday. So how’s it going?”  
Dean watched as Cas studied him for a moment before looking away. “Good. Rebuilding.”  
Dean squirmed on the bench, familiar with Castiel’s tells. “You sure about that? You look pretty stressed out, Cas. What’s going on?”  
Cas was silent for a long time. Dean figured he wasn’t going to answer him at all, so instead he watched as a young family played on the park and the father doted on his pregnant wife. A soft smile graced Dean’s face.  
“There is a civil war, Dean. Raphael wishes to restart the Apocalypse.” Cas told him finally.  
Dean glanced away from the family to his friend. “That sucks, man. You’re fighting him though, right?”  
Cas looked troubled as Dean’s attention turned back to the family on the playground. “I’ll admit it’s not easy. Raphael has a greater following, being an Archangel. I’ve disobeyed many times, fallen. I’m doing my best but-“  
Dean patted him on the back without looking at him. “I believe in you, man.”  
Cas frowned. “I might need some help, actually.”  
Dean’s phone rang and he held up a finger. He answered with a grin. “Hey, Ben. Yeah, kid. We can get pizza after your ball practice.”  
He was still smiling distractedly when he got off the phone. “What were you saying?”  
Cas leaned forward and stared at his feet. “I was going to ask you for help but-“  
Dean finally looked at him, his smile sliding away. “Cas, I’m out of the game. I’ve got a family and-“  
Something flashed through Cas’ eyes but he nodded before getting to his feet and disappearing with a rustle of wings.  
**  
Dean glared at Gabriel with his hands on his hips. “Okay, yeah I was in my Honeymoon period and-“  
Gabe shot him a look that could kill and snapped his fingers.  
**  
Dean punched out for the day and walked over to the bar for a pick-me-up. He was about to take his usual place at the bar when he saw a familiar Angelic face at a table near the back. He stomped over and sat down. His eyes looked over the angel and he noted that he looked tired and a little less durable than normal.  
“Heya, Cas. How’s it going?” He asked amiably while holding up two fingers to the bartender.  
Castiel tapped a finger against the table before answering bluntly. “You didn’t want to help and didn’t ask for updates but I felt I owed you the truth. I have been working with Crowley to keep Raphael from taking over and restarting the Apocalypse.”  
Dean’s first response was anger but before he got a terse word out, their server carried over their beers. He took a large gulp as Cas continued.  
“You were unwilling to help me and the angels were afraid to side with me. Raphael had everything he needed to pop the Cage open. So I made a deal with Crowley. I just thought you should know.”  
Dean drained his beer and grabbed Cas’. “Well it’s your funeral, Angel. And I’m still out.”  
Castiel nodded gravely. “I’m under no illusion that I shall survive this battle, Dean. I just wish to stop the war.”  
And then Dean was alone. He threw up two more fingers and decided to drink until his mind wasn’t yelling anymore.  
When he woke up the next morning he didn’t remember the conversation. He just knew he was angry with Castiel.  
**  
Three months after that night, Sam showed up and dragged his ass back on the road. Things between them were tense and Dean had a hard time leaving his new family behind. During one particularly brutal night of drinking he remembered what Cas had told him. He felt betrayed and angry and expected Sam to feel the same way.  
Only Sam didn’t care. And that’s when Dean realised that something was wrong with Sam too. That was when Dean realized that Sam was lacking something distinctly soul-shaped  
When confronted about it, Cas was open about working with Crowley. In fact, he admitted to being the one who brought Sam back. He worked to fix Sam but only Death can do that. Only Death could retrieve Sam’s soul.  
Cas was killed by one of his own angels for working with Crowley. His honesty about his deal with the King of Hell got him killed. Raphael popped open the Cage and Lucifer and Michael are freed.

**  
“Let me give it another go!” Dean insisted.  
Gabe glared at him. The snap of the fingers was angry this time.  
**  
He greeted Cas while cleaning the yard. Talked to Cas but it all went the same way. He got distracted by Lisa and Ben. Then by the families in the park.  
He did manage to tell Cas to keep him updated.  
But he got lost in the day to day of family life. He didn’t think about Cas and the Civil war because he didn’t want to. He didn’t pray for updates and Cas didn’t pop in often to give them. He felt Cas there sometimes. A moment here and there before he was gone instead of interrupting a family or intimate moment.  
Cas popped up and told him that Crowley offered him a deal.  
Dean told him he’d have to be stupid to take it.  
“Then what would you have me do. Dean? Do you have any suggestions?” Cas yelled back, red-rimmed eyes showing more emotion and exhaustion than an Angel ever should. His question was a clear plea for aid and support, but it went unanswered.  
Dean doesn’t have an answer and he wasn’t willing to help. So Cas left. He didn’t come back for several months that time. He ignored Dean when he called after Sam found him.  
“Crowley and I have found the portal. I will ingest the souls.” Castiel announced one night, waking Sam and Dean from their sleep.  
Dean jumped from his bed, anger radiating off him. “I told you that was crazy!”  
Cas’ demeanor was cold when he faced him. “Do you wish to be Michael’s vessel, Dean?”  
Dean stepped back in surprise at the glacial fury in the Angel’s tone. “Of course not.”  
Castiel stalked into his space, reminding him of when they’d first met. “Then keep your mouth shut. You don’t wish to help me. Haven’t even asked me how things are going. You don’t care of the casualties as I fight to keep the fight in Heaven and out of Earth. You don’t get to speak anymore.”  
Without another word, Cas was gone.  
A toxic combination of anger and guilt began to gnaw at Dean after that. He tried to put it out of his mind at all times but found it overtaking his attention far too often. Sam wasn’t a great sounding board for his anger and he started complaining to his Grandfather and cousins. Before he knew it, Cas was target numero uno in the hunting community. Word spread fast about the Angel who wanted to pop Purgatory.  
And then Cas was dead.  
Raphael won. The Cage was open. Michael and Lucifer were free.  
**  
Dean slumped back into his seat. “Okay but- “  
“No, buts. There is no route where you help him, Dean. You were there in that first one, right? Even right after seeing him die and knowing how you feel about him now, you sunk back into your old self. You were reliving this with your memories intact. And you still failed. You were distracted by the desperation to have that apple pie life. You would never have helped him. You would have buried your head in the sand. You did bury your head in the sand. How many times did you feel him there and ignore it? What would it have cost you to just acknowledge him? But you didn’t. You ignored him and each time it happened you confirmed to him that he was making the right choice.” Gabe poked him in the arm. “He did it for you. He told you so and you threw it in his face. You taught him to fight for humanity and that’s what he did. Because Raphael winning meant the Apocalypse. It meant you and Sam being meatsuits. But you weren’t going to help him even if he asked. And oh man, am I happy he didn’t ask. I’m so glad he saved himself that rejection.  
“He was right and you were wrong. Do you have to like the way he did it? No! Neither do I. But did he have any choice? No. He saved the world. He did it by working with the bad guy. Which, let me remind you, you’ve since done and you’ll do countless times in the future. He saved as many people as he could. And yes he went a bit nuts there. But he always expected to die. He was more than willing to die. And those deaths from his whole ‘Godstiel’ stint are always on his conscience. So, any questions?”  
Dean hated to admit when he was wrong. He always had. He was stubborn and he always would be. But he’d not only seen it, he’d actually lived it. And it had felt true. A part of him had known he needed to do better by Cas but he’d fallen into his old self and treated the angel poorly. Because he had back then, hadn’t he? Cas had been more Angelic pawn and less family.  
“No.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets a glimpse into his future. *canon divergence after mid-season 9*

“Good. I’m done. I get it. Everything sucks but it could suck worse. Take me _home_ , Gabriel.”

His request was met with silence and anger bubbled up within him. He jerked his head up and glared over at the Archangel. “What? Haven't I seen _enough_? Are you going to make me watch more? Why? _Why_?”

“No more past. You can’t change the past. But that was only one part of this lesson, Dean.” Gabriel stood up and wiped off his jeans. “It’s time to see your future, where your current path will end.”

Dean jumped up and backed away from him. “No way. I’m not going back to the Croats.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Dean this isn’t some Heavenly trick to make you Heaven’s bitch. I’m trying to help you. Because things end badly, Kiddo. I’ve seen it.”

Dean hesitated. “You can’t change-“

“The past.” Gabriel interrupted impatiently. “But the future isn’t set in stone. You’ve proven that. Again and again. You weren’t Heaven’s puppet. You stopped the Apocalypse. You came back from death. If anyone could change the future, it’s _you_ , Kiddo.”

Dean studied the angel in front of him. There was desperation in his tone, he could hear it. Gabriel truly wanted a better future for them all. “Alright.”

Gabriel inhaled deeply and stepped forward. His hand touched Dean’s forehead.

Dean stood beside the Archangel and watched as his future raced past them in a blur.

Sam and the trials, Cas and the trials. Naomi. The angels falling, Sam almost dying. Zeke/Gadreel. Kicking Cas out. Kevin dying. The Mark. Metatron. Demon Dean. Cas dying as the last of his grace wears out. Dean not knowing how to handle the pain as a demon. Him ending up on that same throne.

Dean gasped and landed on his hands and knees in front of Gabriel. “No. Not after everything else we’ve dealt with. Not all of that. Please.”

Gabriel crouched in front of him. “Hey, why do you think I’m here?” His tone was soft.

Dean looked up at him, his lungs still heaving labored breaths. “How do I stop it?”

Gabriel sat back on his haunches. “ _You_ don’t. It’s time to stop going alone, Dean-o. The three of you have a horrible habit of not communicating with each other. You’re so traumatized by your feelings for Cas and how leaving without Purgatory made you feel that you’ve barely looked at him since he got back. He feels rejected so he hasn’t told you that he’s missing time.” He paused and caught Dean’s eyes. “He’s missing _time,_ Dean. Huge chunks of it. So, Naomi is getting into his head. All the guilt that Sam feels over the demon blood will fuel him to steal the demon trials from you and it’ll nearly destroy him. Your need to keep him safe will almost kill him anyways. Then you’ll trick him into allowing an angel to possess him to heal him. All of this will happen after Cas nearly beats you to death because Naomi brainwashes him. Then a long-lost scribe of the Lord will trick Cas into causing the Angels to fall and get locked out of Heaven.” Gabe grabbed his cheeks. “Dean! This all happens in the next 8 months!”

Dean hung his head and sat back heavily.

Gabriel clapped him on the shoulder. “And you know how to stop it? Comm-unnnnnnn-i-ca-t-i-o-n!”

Dean glared at him. “It’s never that easy.”

Gabriel chuckled darkly. “Bad shit is always going to happen. But the three of you against the world is always better than against each other. Team Free Will, _Baby_! Sam needs to talk his shit out and chick flicks or not, he needs to do it with you. And you and Cas have needed to define the relationship for _years_ now. D. T. R.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Fuck off and be serious.”

Gabriel jumped up and yelled at the sky. “Seriously, come on Dad! Couldn’t you have sent me to one of the other Mooks?” A flash of lightning crossed the sky silently. Gabriel mumbled furiously under his breath and kicked a rock. He turned back and sat back down beside Dean, slightly calmer. “Wouldn’t you like to just work altogether for once? No secrets, everything out in the open? Because it takes years for Sam to fully forgive you for tricking him into letting an Angel wear him. He kills Kevin, Dean. It doesn’t matter that it was the angel wearing him, you know that would haunt him forever.”

Dean considered his words and his mind flashed over the scenes that had played out. He kept coming back to Cas losing his grace and being turned away. He couldn’t imagine it happening. But then he had been lying to Sam about an angel wearing him and hadn’t he always sacrificed everything to keep his little brother safe?

“He dies in your arms, Dean. Trying to use the last of his grace to cure you of being a demon.” Gabe’s voice added unfairly to the barrage of thoughts.

That would kill him. Being a demon already would only push him further. It would take the last of his humanity and twist him into the thing that he feared most.

“Ok,” Dean said finally.

“Thank Dad!” Gabe yelped. “I thought I was going to have to break out the nail polish and the – oof!” Gabe glared at him and snapped his fingers, healing the cut lip Dean had given him.

“You deserved that.” Dean told him with a raised eyebrow as he stood up and waited.

Gabriel chuckled. “I’ve killed you over 100 times! I deserve worse. But I’ll leave that to your little brother. Let’s get you home, Dean-o.”

* * *

 

The light in the room was soft and it took a few moments for Dean’s eyes to fully open and adjust. He felt as if he had been unconscious for years. He stared up at the ceiling and tried to pick through his disjointed and cloudy thoughts.

Bits and pieces of his dream rushed back until he had the full picture and all drowsiness fled his system. He wiped a hand over his face and grumbled. “Fuck, I need to stop drinking before bed.”

He closed his eyes and stretched, waiting for the ache he’d come to associate with a hangover and a good hunt. But as his limbs popped and slid deliciously, no pain followed. He furrowed his brow and peeked up at the ceiling once more. The dream had felt _so_ real. He tipped his head to the left and saw a Tootsie roll perched on top of the pillow beside him like a _“welcome home and get with the program, motherfucker,”_ straight from the Trickster.

“Fuck!” He yelled before jumping up from the bed and pacing for a minute.

Dean wasn’t naive. He’d lived through weirder shit than a travel through the past and future with an Archangel. That very same Archangel had killed him hundreds of times just to fuck with Sammy and teach him a lesson, for God’s sake.

Dean grabbed his duffel from beside the bed and reached for a pair of clean jeans. He yanked on a t-shirt and a warm flannel. He then went digging through his pockets for his keys. A chuckle escaped his lips when he pulled out a handful of candy instead. “Cheeky bastard.” He popped a chocolate in his mouth as he cleaned up the room and found his cell phone.

He had no idea how to explain what had happened to Sam, but he knew where to start. The phone rang in his hand and he sat down at the small table in the room.

“Hello?” Sam’s voice was gruff, annoyance palpable. Dean grimaced at the ache it caused in his chest. He’d seen his brother die so many times while on his ‘trip’ and having his brother upset with him was just _wrong._

“Sammy, it’s good to hear your voice, man,” Dean replied, his voice a bit thicker than he’d intended.

There was silence on his brother’s end and Dean scraped a hand over his face.

“What’s going on, Dean? Is something wrong? Did something happen to Cas?” Sam’s voice no longer held anger, just worry.

“I can’t explain right now, but I promise I will. It’s a long, weird story. But right now, I need you to go see a guy about a key.” Dean answered.

Sam was obviously confused but Dean heard him scrambling for a notepad. “Ok, I’m listening.”

“A man named Larry Ganem has a key to a bunker that was once owned by the Men of Letters. Henry Winchester was one of them before a Knight of Hell destroyed them all. Larry will have all the answers.”

Silence followed his instructions. “Henry, like Dad’s father? The Men of Letters? They’re a myth, Dean.”

“Trust me, Sammy.” Dean pleaded. “Let him know that Abaddon and Henry are coming and he can be prepared.”

“Alright. Where are you?”

“Virginia, but if you need help let me know. I need to talk to Cas but we can get there right away, okay?” Dean needed him to promise. “Abaddon is a Knight of Hell, Sam. Promise you’ll pray to Cas if you need us.”

Sam was shifting around on the other side of the phone. “Yeah, of course. Shit, this is a lot to take in. Of course.

They ended the call and Dean huffed out a breath. “ _Keep an eye on them, Gabe.”_

An apple pie appeared on the table in front of him and Dean took that as a promise.

He cleared his throat and tried to steady his nerves. _“Hey, uh, Cas. You got your ears on?”_

 


	10. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean talk, amongst other things.

He cleared his throat and tried to steady his nerves. _“Hey, uh, Cas. You got your ears on?”_

He squeezed his eyes shut and almost lost his nerve. He thought about grabbing his bag and leaving. He’d been hiding how he felt for years. _Years_. He was afraid of shaking up the status quo. What if Cas rejected him?

Fuck, what if Cas _didn’t?_

The fluttering of wings alerted Dean to the arrival of Cas and suddenly his nerves were gone. He opened his eyes and found his angel standing mere inches in front of him. Dean’s cheeks lifted in a grin and he threw himself at Cas. He saw the angel’s blue eyes widen before Dean was wrapping his arms around him. Dean buried his face into Cas’ neck and breathed in deep. Cas’ arms pulled his body closer against the angel’s chest and Dean relaxed against him. They stood there for several long moments without saying a word. If Cas found the interaction strange, he said nothing about it. Then again, Cas wasn’t exactly a guru of socially acceptable behavior.

“I’m so happy to see you, Cas.” Dean breathed against Cas’ neck. “It’s been such a long time.”

Cas hummed in response and ran a thumb over his spine. “You’ve had a long journey.”

As the familiarity of Castiel’s scent washed over Dean, he found tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He pressed his face into Cas’ shoulder. “How did you know?”

Castiel took his time replying, as if thinking over his answer. He ran his hand over Dean’s back in a soothing pattern. “I can smell traces of ozone, sulfate and memory on your skin. I would be more concerned if I couldn’t also detect the scent of Gabriel’s Grace.”

Dean stepped back out of Cas’ arms, making sure to stay in his space. A smile graced his lips. Cas’ blue eyes were bright. “So, you know he’s alive then.”

Cas nodded. “I’ve suspected before this, but the room is heavy with his Grace and you could not have journeyed so far under your own power.”

The two of them stood in silence for a while, blue eyes connected with green. They had always communicated so well without words, but there was a new openness now.

“It was bad, Cas. I needed to know if maybe I could have done something differently in the past to make things better now.” Dean explained. “But it always ended up worse.”

Cas’ hand settled upon Dean’s shoulder without conscious thought and Dean sighed in relief. “Did you find your answers?”

Dean licked his lips. He nodded. “Yeah, Cas. I did.”

Cas’ blue eyes were flickering between Dean’s eyes and his mouth. “And what did you learn?”

Dean blinked, distracted by Cas’ wandering eyes. “We need to stop working alone. We’re better together. Me and Sammy and you. We’re a great team. The best. And we need to start being honest.”

Cas focused back on Dean and the lust faded from his eyes. “That is very wise. It would be prudent then for me to admit that I’ve not been well since Purgatory. I’m,” He glanced away, thoughtful. “Missing time, Dean. I find myself in places that I don’t remember deciding to go. Or in the middle of a conversation I didn’t start.” His cerulean gaze was intent. “I fear Heaven is behind it.”

Dean wrapped his palm around Cas’ forearm. “I know, Cas. Gabe told me. It’s Naomi. She’s torturing you, Cas. And she’s done it before.”

“Naomi.” He blinked. “Yes, Naomi is a…specialist in Heaven. She was responsible for my re-education when I was forced out of Jimmy’s vessel. Comparing her to Alistair isn’t _quite_ right as she doesn’t enjoy it in the same way, but-“ Cas stared off into space and then jolted as if in pain. “I’m being summoned to Heaven.” He glanced around the room before locking eyes back on Dean. “You’re keeping me here. Gabriel did something.”

Dean glanced down at the hand holding onto Cas. He moved it down his wrist and threaded their fingers together. Cas watched the movement and warmth filled his eyes. “We’re tethered again, you and I.”

Dean watched thoughtfully as Cas traced a thumb over the seam where their hands were joined. He licked his lips, holding onto the angel’s last words. “Again?”

Castiel’s grip tightened where his hand had remained on Dean’s clothed shoulder. Both gazes fell on his hand and the faded mark that had once marred Dean’s skin beneath it. “You weren’t kidding when you said you gripped me tight, huh?”

A chuckle escaped Cas’ chest and he shook his head. Remembering his trip back through Hell with Dean fighting in his grasp. “You fought me every moment of the journey. You were desperate to escape and clung so tightly to me and yet you believed so deeply that you belonged there. So, you kicked and you screamed even while wrapping yourself around me. I held onto you so tightly that I left a mark. A mark that partially bonded us. It tethered us until you asked me to remove the mark. And even then, traces of the bond have remained.”

Dean licked his lips again and stepped a little closer into Castiel’s space. “I had wondered about that before. How you sometimes seemed to know what I was thinking or feeling. Even after your promised to stay out of my head. Or you could find me even with the branding you put on my ribs.” He glanced up at Cas quickly before looking back down at their joined hands. “Or how sometimes I could _feel_ you. I’d know you were there, or what you were feeling without asking or looking at you.”

Cas took a small step closer, nodding. “Yes, that would be traces of the unfinished bond between us.”

“Hey, Cas?” Dean asked, so close now that Castiel’s hair tickled his chin.

Cas’ nose skimmed the hair above Dean’s ear, eyes closed. He hummed in pleasure at the closeness they were finally allowing themselves. “Yes, Dean?”

“How would we complete the bond?” The question was whispered quietly, but confidently against the skin of Castiel’s cheek.

Cas froze, stunned. Dean waited in his arms to see if the angel would withdraw but after several tense seconds he relaxed and pressed a kiss against Dean’s scalp before moving his lips to his ear. “It is a very intense coupling. The bond is completed by those who wish to share eternity, Dean. It is unbreakable and forged only by those who are unwavering in their love for one another. The two who are bonded share everything, including mortality.” Cas’ breath caught and Dean squeezed his fingers, encouraging him to continue. “If one falls, so does the other. They share one heart, one soul. It is why I’ve never stayed fully dead. Because my Grace is fused with your soul and your soul contains my Grace. But with a full bond, one death becomes two. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He did. Oh God, he did. But he wanted it. He never wanted to go another minute without Cas. As he stood there, breathing in Cas’ air and feeling his body heat, he couldn’t understand how he’d gone so long without it.

“How do you and I finish the bond, Cas?” He asked, suddenly sure. He knew as he should have known all along that Cas loved him more than an angel should love anything save God. He knew that the two of them were meant for this.

Cas pulled back and those blue eyes were on him. They were searching for something and Dean waited patiently for him to find whatever he was looking for. “Dean, this is forever you’re talking about. You must realize that-“

“It’s you, Cas. I’m never going to want anyone else. A part of me died with you when you walked into that river. And I ran around Purgatory for a whole year looking for you. It’s you and me, Cas. I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Dean was pleading, desperate for the angel to believe him.

Cas leaned his forehead against Dean’s and closed his eyes, breathing harshly. “You’re certain?”

Dean licked his lips and cupped Cas’ cheek. “More than anything, Cas.”

Cas nodded shortly before leaning forward and capturing Dean’s lips in a searing kiss. Dean gasped into the lip lock and closed his eyes. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and slid his hands down over his ass, dragging a moan out of Dean. Hands gripped Dean’s legs and pulled them up to wrap around Cas’ waist. Cas carried him backwards towards the bed, lips working furiously against Dean’s throat. Dean was gripping the angel’s shoulders and rolling his hips against Cas’. Cas lay them out on the bed and immediately reattached his lips to Dean’s collarbone.

“Oh, _God_ , Cas.” Dean groaned, low and dirty. “Your mouth.”

Cas dragged his teeth across the hickey he’d been working on and Dean yelped. “Blasphemy.” He kissed his way back to Dean’s puffy pink lips and slid his tongue into his mouth. Dean hummed in appreciation. Cas’ hands nimbly undid the buttons of Dean’s flannel. His hands ran over the t-shirt beneath and his thumbnail scraped at a nipple. Dean jolted upright at the sensation and shouted. Cas smirked against his mouth as he pulled the shirts over Dean’s head and pushed the now shirtless hunter back against the bed. He kissed a trail slowly down Dean’s chest and took his time nibbling on his nipples.

“Fuck, Cas. _Angel_. I’ll come.” Dean grunted as Cas tugged lightly on the right nipple with his teeth while rubbing on the left with his fingers. “Sensitive. I’ll come.”

Cas trailed his free hand down and pressed on Dean’s hard cock through his jeans and Dean groaned loudly. “I’ll just make you hard again, Dean.”

Dean threw his head back on the pillow and wailed in frustration as Cas moved away from his chest and pulled his jeans and boxers from his hips. His red, angry cock slapped against his belly and Dean gritted his teeth. Cas glanced up at his hunter and smiled. “You are so truly beautiful, Dean.” He took the erection in hand and pressed a kiss to the top of it. “I’m going to cherish you. I’m going to make you feel incredible. And then I’m going to bond you.”

Dean whimpered as he watched Castiel, Angel of the Lord, take his cock between his lips and begin to suck. His hand began to pump along the base and Dean knew he wasn’t going to last long. The sight in front of him was one he’d remember forever. Cas dropped his mouth lower and hollowed his cheeks. Sweat was beading on Dean’s chest and he was so _so_ close when Cas hummed around him.

“Cas! _Cas_!” Dean yelled, muscles seizing and convulsing as he released into the Angel’s waiting and willing throat.

Cas sucked down the last of Dean’s spend before pressing another kiss to the tip. Dean’s body began to relax and Cas waved his hand towards Dean’s duffel bag. A purple bottle appeared in his hand and he laid it on the bed. He began pressing featherlight kisses along Dean’s thighs before finally pressing one against the furled rosebud between his legs.

“ _Cas!_ ” Dean bellowed, surprise and pleasure warring for dominance in his tone.

“Relax, Beloved. I’m going to take care of you. Did I not say I would cherish you? Did I not promise to make you feel incredible?” Cas caught Dean’s eye from his place between the hunter’s thighs and saw the blush staining his cheeks and chest. “You are going to enjoy this, Dean.”

Cas placed a firm kiss against Dean’s hole and the other man groaned. Cas smiled against him and swiped his tongue against the spot. “ _Fuck_.” Dean cried. Cas felt a delicious swirl of purpose in his gut. He _needed_ to hear more of those little gasps from his hunter. He licked and nipped until Dean was writhing beneath him, crying out in ecstasy. He popped open the purple bottle and coated his fingers. A single digit joined his tongue and then another.

“Cas! Cas! _Cas_!” Dean was screaming now. The feeling in Cas’ gut was heavier, headier. “I’m going to come, please Cas.”

Cas thrust in a third finger and caught Dean’s gaze. “Come.”

Dean’s body contorted as if it had been waiting for the angel’s permission. Dean keened as he shook and his cock spurted onto his belly and chest. Cas’ fingers continued to thrust and stretch until Dean was still and ready for him. Cas carefully removed them and Dean grunted at the empty feeling. Cas slowly moved back up Dean’s body, licking the warm cum off his belly.

“ _God_ , Cas. Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Dean asked desperately as he watched him lick his lips.

Cas hovered above him and dove in for a kiss. Dean moaned at the taste of himself and pulled Cas down on top of him until every part of them were touching. Cas ran hands comfortingly over Dean’s sensitized skin and Dean whined and began rutting against Cas.

“How am I _still_ hard?” He panted, gripping Cas’ shoulder and grinding up into the Angel, desperate for friction. “I’m not 17 anymore.”

Cas placed kisses on his cheeks and his fluttering eyelids and his nose before answering. “You called for the bond. You started the process. Your soul is seeking my Grace and your body is seeking its mate.”

Dean grabbed a fistful of Cas’ ass and bit into his shoulder with a grunt of satisfaction as he spilled between them. “So, is this a one-time thing? Or is it always gonna be like this between us?”

Cas brushed Dean’s hair back off his sweaty forehead and pressed his lips there. “It won’t be this intense.” He placed his palm against Dean’s face to catch his attention as the hunter began rutting once again. “We will always be drawn to one another. But that is something we can discuss later, Beloved. You are in discomfort. Let me soothe you.”

Dean whined as Cas shifted off him but relaxed when the Angel wiped a hand through Dean’s come and used it to slick himself up. He pressed himself against Dean’s entrance and met his gaze. “Are you ready, my love?”

Dean raised himself onto his elbows and kissed Cas with all he had. After a moment, he fell back onto the bed and began to writhe again. Cas’ hips pushed forwards and Dean gasped as his desperation turned into pleasure.

“Oh, _Cas_.” He whispered reverently.

Cas moved slowly and soon Dean’s hips were meeting his own. They moved together as the bond began to forge itself. Grace seeped out of Cas’ pores and danced along Dean’s skin. Dean cried out and came between them as it wrapped itself around his soul. He had barely recovered when his soul became one with the Grace and his body shook through another orgasm. His eyes burned blue and Cas began snapping his hips against Dean’s and thrusting deeper and faster.

Dean surged forwards and kissed Cas. His soul reached out to the angel and Cas covered his shoulder with his hand. He gripped it tight as his Grace accepted the half of Dean’s soul offered into the bond.

“Dean!” Cas shouted. “Open your eyes.”

Dean gripped Cas’ forearm as Cas buried himself to the hilt and the bond snapped into place between them. Dean’s eyes were still glowing a heavenly blue and Cas’ were a sparkling green as they both came hard and Cas’ wings went supernova.

* * *

Dean blinked away the haze of confusion and mind-blowing pleasure that followed and surveyed his surroundings. Cas was still on top of him, _inside_ of him. The angel’s cheeks were ruddy and his hair was somehow messier than usual. His eyes were once again that indescribable blue. And he couldn’t look away. He knew he should make sure their room wasn’t on fire but _Goddamn,_ Cas was beautiful. And he was his. _His_.

The bond was there. Forever. He could feel it. Running under his skin and inside his veins. He could feel Cas’ Grace inside his chest and underneath his fingernails. He would always know without a doubt where Cas was and how he was doing. He knew how Cas was feeling right now.

_Happiness. Surprise. Awe_.

“I love you.” Dean told him. It seemed silly now, after _bonding_ himself to the guy for all of time. He’d never said the words before. And Cas _knew,_ he’d known before or he wouldn’t have done it. And he knew now because he knew everything about Dean. But it needed to be said out loud. And maybe because he knew already, it was easier to say.

Cas’ face brightened into an earth-shattering smile. Dean felt his breath leave him. No one should be that fucking beautiful. And then Cas was blushing. Dean grinned.

Damnit, he was hard again.

 


	11. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Free Will is back together again.

They didn’t leave the bed for three days. The ‘intense coupling’ that Cas had described continued to be more intense than anything Dean had ever heard of, ever experienced. One orgasm had rendered him blind for several minutes.

“Shouldn’t we be exhausted?” Dean asked as they packed his things.

Cas placed a kiss on his shoulder, running a warm hand down his side. “Our lovemaking will sustain us, giving us energy much the same way sustenance or sleep would.”

Dean paused, leaning back against Cas’ chest. He decided to ignore how cheesy the ‘lovemaking’ bit was and how warm it made him feel. “So, you’re saying that our marathon fuckfest just made us stronger?”

Cas snorted. “To put it crudely, yes. My Grace has never been so strong. In fact, I’ll have to discuss it with Gabriel, but I would say that I’m nearly as strong as an Archangel.”

Dean blinked and then pumped his fist into the air. “I knew sex fixed everything.”

Cas shook his head and resumed packing up Dean’s bag. “Not the way _you’ve_ been doing it.”

A sly smile curved Dean’s lips and he wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist from behind. “You sound a little jealous, Babe. In fact I can taste it.”

Cas huffed and shoved Dean’s jeans into the duffel. “Yes well I’m not thrilled about how many women have touched you over the years. Theirs hands have been everywhere and if I could but purge your skin of their touch I’d-“

Dean laid a tender kiss across his mate’s neck. “And I’m yours. Don’t you think you’ve ‘purged’ my skin of their touch by now?”

Cas turned in his arms, eyes blazing. “I suppose I could try again, just to be thorough.”

* * *

They didn’t leave the motel for _six_ days. By then Cas was so high on Grace that he transported them and the Impala to the mysterious bunker with a thought. Dean didn’t even feel the journey. Sam was waiting outside. Dean’s brother jumped backwards as Dean and his angel landed a foot away from him. The Impala landed softly behind him and he blinked in shock.

Dean was expecting some wiseass comment about their held hands but he received only a relieved smile. Dean moved away from Cas and hugged his brother tightly. He had missed him, not only because of the horror show he’d been gifted by Gabriel but the distance between them after Purgatory. Sam’s silent show of support of their new relationship pieced together the foundation of their reconciliation.

“I’ve missed you, Sammy.” Dean admitted gruffly into his brother’s shoulder.

Sam clapped him on the back and sniffled. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Me too, Sammy.”

A surge of affection swept through Dean and not for the first time, Dean thanked Cas’ absent father for the bond. He felt his mate’s support without looking at him.

Sam and Dean separated and Sam told them the story of how he had acquired the key. He told them how he’d gotten to the home of Larry Ganem and told him what Dean had said. Sam waited with Larry as a man named Henry came through a closet in Larry’s home. He was followed by a redhead. Larry chanted something in Enochian and the redhead disappeared, shrieking angrily. Sam was given a box with the key in it and left Larry and Henry to catch up.

“Well should we check out our new place?” Dean asked brightly, gripping Cas’ hand in excitement.

Sam shot him a double-take. “Is that what this is? It looks like a military bunker.”

Cas stared at the door in front of them, searching past the entrance and through the building. “It _is,_ of sorts. This is a forgotten store of knowledge passed on for centuries by the Men of Letters.”

Sam scratched his chin. “Then won’t these Men of Letters be pissed if we move in?”

Cas smiled at him. “You and Dean are legacies, Sam. The only _living_ legacies of the American branch.”

Dean pulled Cas to the door and stretched an open palm towards his brother. Sam dug an ancient key out of his pocket and dropped it in Dean’s hand. Dean grinned and inserted the key into the lock and pushed the door open.

* * *

“Well it took you guys long enough!” Gabriel chirped from where he was sitting with his feet on a large map-covered table. “That honeymoon period, am I right?” He shot a saucy wink at Cas and Dean.

Dean blushed and Cas chuckled. Sam pulled the gun out from his waistband and pointed it directly at Gabriel. “What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?” Sam advanced on the Archangel who was watching him with mirth in his eyes.

“Sammy, relax man.” Dean interjected, putting himself between Gabe and his furious brother. “He’s cool.”

“Cool? Please.” Gabe bristled jokingly. “I’m your bro’s new bestie, Moosy!”

Sam blinked and turned slowly to face Dean for an explanation. Dean rubbed a hand over his face before gesturing to the chairs around the table. “Story time.”

* * *

Sam’s face was slack and if he wasn’t careful, Dean was sure his wide eyes would pop right out of his head. Hell, with the Trickster there, they just might to amuse Gabriel. He shot a look over at the Archangel and narrowed his eyes in warning. Gabe huffed a laugh but shrugged to signal he wouldn’t mess with Sam.

Castiel sat on the couch beside Dean, his hand running its way up Dean’s neck and settling in his hair during the harder to recap parts of the story. His encouragement flowed through the bond and made Dean brave.

Sam blew out a long breath after what seemed like an eternity of him staring wide-eyed at the map on the table between them. “Wow.”

Gabe chuckled and Sam shot him a dirty look. “Oh, come on, Moosy! It’s not like I dropped _him_ in a time-loop from which there is no escape.”

Castiel tilted his head, considering his older brother. “Abaddon.”

Sam and Dean both appeared to need a moment to catch up but Gabe clapped his hands in barely contained glee. “Oh, Cassy! You’re powerful. You just picked that right out of my head, didn’t you?”

Dean beamed with pride and Cas’ lips twitched. Sam studied the three of them. “What the hell is going on here? Since when can Cas read an Archangel’s mind? Wouldn’t he need to be another-“

“Archangel?” Gabe finished helpfully. “Technically, No. Mikey and Lucy never managed to get past my walls. And forget about Raph, he didn’t have the juice for it.”

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to solve the puzzle. “Then, you’re saying that Cas is _stronger_ than an Archangel?”

They all looked at Cas, who had ducked his head with a frown. Dean closed his eyes and felt for the bond. He reached out towards Cas’ grace and felt the raw power it contained. He blinked open his eyes and Sam gasped.

“Your eyes are blue!” Sam shouted.

Cas looked up to meet Dean’s eyes and Sam shouted again upon seeing his brother’s green eyes in Cas. “Guys?”

Dean and Cas both glanced his way, eyes blinking back to their usual colour.

“What the hell was that?” Sam asked, freaked out and concerned.

Gabe leaned forward studying them in open fascination. “They’re bonded. Dean felt around for Cas’ Grace, I’m guessing?”

Dean nodded, fingers tangling with Cas’.

“Interesting. The bond is rare in the first place. I’ve only ever seen it between Angels.” Gabriel tapped his chin. “Our eyes reflect our Grace. Cas’ eyes are the blue of his Grace, it’s why they shine so brightly. Mine are gold.” He noticed Sam’s blank stare. “Sorry, Moosy. I got off track. Angels have their own Grace. Even after a bonding, they have access only to their own essence. Their thoughts and bodies are bonded but their Grace remains purely their own.” He tapped his chin again. “You’re looking at the only human-Angel pair to ever bond. It would seem that the fusion of Grace and soul are giving them both life.”

Sam stared hard at his brother and Cas sitting so closely to each other. “So, Dean is making Cas stronger than you?”

Gabe choked on a laugh at the twin blushing faces. “No, that would be all the sex.”

Dean’s ears turned pink as he glared at the Trickster. “You can be replaced.”

Gabe chuckled again. “Nah, I’m the only one like me.”

“Thank God for that.” Sam mumbled.

“Hey!” Gabe pointed at Sam. “I’ll have you know that Dad liked me best.”

They all raised an eyebrow at him. “Ok, until Cassy came around anyways. Dad always like my jokes.”

Sam and Dean’s eyes glazed over as they pictured the kind of mischief Gabriel had gotten up to in Heaven. Cas remembered it well. Instead he focused on something he’d seen in Gabriel’s head earlier.

“You got rid of Abaddon. How?” He asked. The Winchester brothers shook off their musings and waited for an answer.

Gabe smirked. “Well, Moosy here showed up to warn old Larry. It was a good warning, but I’m afraid Larry would have been ripped to shreds by Abaddon. So, I sent him on a vacation to the Bahamas. Larry’s sipping Mai-Tais on the beach as we speak.”

Sam stared as Gabe’s form shifted to that of Larry Ganem and then back. “It was _you_! Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Gabe raised an eyebrow at him. “You would have just attacked me, Kiddo!”

Sam had no argument there.

“So, what happened then?” Dean asked when it was clear Gabe wasn’t going to continue.

“Oh, same old, same old. Just sent Henry upstairs to be with his family. And dropped Abby in a time-loop. And let me tell you, Fellas. I went _easy_ on you. One word for you; Bubble-gum.”

Dean and Sam frowned at each other, not understanding what he meant. Cas narrowed his eyes for a moment before a bark of laughter burst from his lips, surprising everyone. Gabe grinned cheekily as his little brother gasped for air. Dean poked Cas who shared the image with him.

“Oh, God!” Dean began to shake with laughter as he saw where Abaddon had been sent.

Sam pouted at his brother and Angel. Gabe clapped his hands. “Oh, come on, Moosy! We won’t leave you out of the fun!” He snapped his fingers and suddenly all Sam could see was pink. Pink, everywhere.

He shook his head and blinked, trying to dispel the world of Pepto-Bismol and Bubble-gum. He heard a furious screeching and noticed the beautiful redhead from Larry’s home. She was trying to move through what appeared to be _actual_ bubble-gum. A giggle escaped him as her hands got stuck to a wall of pink as she tried to move her feet. She tripped and fell face-first into more sticky gum. She pulled her head away with difficulty and her features were covered in gum.

Sam blinked back to the room he was sitting in with his family and Gabe. He felt tears streaming down his cheeks as he laughed along.

“That is one of your more devious inventions, Gabriel.” Cas told him after another chuckle.

“Oh, she’s not getting out. Ever.” Gabe snickered.

Sam wiped a hand over his wet cheeks and took in the laughing trio in front of him. Maybe having Gabriel around wouldn’t be so bad after all. And it was about damn time for Dean and Cas to have gotten together.

He was happy.

* * *

**Eight hours later**

He was going to kill them. Was it only today that he’d been happy they’d gotten together?

_“Oh, Cas! Fuck, right there.”_ Dean keened as the bed began to thump against the wall more quickly.

Sam could actually feel the movement of the wall against his bed.

_“Cas! Cas! Oh, Cas!”_ Dean’s voice was pitching higher and higher.

Sam pressed his pillow over his head, praying for it to just _stop._

_“Mmmm, Fuck! Cas, I’m gonna, I’m gonna!”_ Dean howled Cas’ name on repeat as the banging sped up and then stopped.

There were things a man didn’t need to know about their brother. Sam could have gone his whole life without finding out that his brother was a screamer. The silence next door settled and Sam’s eyes closed as sleep began to claim him.

_“Cas, Fuck!”_ Dean yelped, the bed beginning to knock against the wall once more.

_“You’re insatiable, my Love.”_

_“I wanna ride you, Cas.”_ Dean begged.

Sam’s eyes popped open as they began round 4. He jumped out of bed and ran out of his room. He sprinted down the hallway of their new home until he could no longer hear his brother getting railed by his best friend. Gabriel looked up at him and began snickering when he took in the wide-eyed look of desperation.

“Bleach my brain! God make it stop!” Sam begged of the Trickster.

Gabe threw back his head and chuckled. “Oh, Moosy. This is just the beginning. They don’t need to sleep anymore. They can just fuck and fuck and fuc-“

“Gabriel!” Sam shouted, eyes widening in further panic. “You’re not helping!”

Gabe laughed and gestured for him to join him on the couch. Sam sat next to the Trickster and after several minutes of quiet, he began to nod off.

* * *

 

He woke with a jolt several hours later when his brother and Cas walked into the living room. His head had rested on Gabriel’s shoulder while he slept.

“Well ain’t that cute.” Dean teased as he handed Cas a cup of coffee.

Sam growled. “I couldn’t sleep last night because you two are disgusting animals!”

Gabe chuckled. “Yes, poor Moosy here couldn’t get any sleep.”

“I’m very sorry, Sam. But.” Cas tilted his head. “Why didn’t you just soundproof the rooms for him, Gabriel?”

Gabe stiffened as Sam turned to glare at him. “Come on, Moosy. Can you blame a guy for wanting some cuddles?”

Gabe jumped from his seat at the same time as Sam. “I’m going to kill you, Gabriel!”

Gabe booked it out of the room, Sam hot on his heels. Cas and Dean laughed as they heard Sam shouting at Gabe and the Archangel teasing him. Dean leaned back against Cas’ chest and sighed happily.

“I’ll soundproof the rooms.” Cas promised, placing a kiss behind Dean’s ear.

The yelling and stomping of running feet passed the hallway to their left as Gabe giggled, Sam still chasing him with threats in the air.

“I think we’re going to be happy here.” Cas announced, pulling Dean in closer.

As Dean listened to Sam catch and subsequently lose Gabriel one floor down, he couldn’t help but agree.

 

 

 

 


End file.
